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going to end up back out there one way or the other. We can do it after the cans run out. We can do it after the next raiders or zombies get in and I walk out bit and become one of them. If I stay here playing house with you three, I’m going to end up sneaking out one night. That’s it. It will probably be best if we left together now while we have the supplies. We need to face a couple facts though. We can and probably should take a vehicle, but we may end up walking because of an empty tank or a slippery road. We need to be ready for that. Also, if we do this, there is a very good chance we are never coming back here for any of a hundred reasons.”
    I did sit down by the door to the stairs now, but they didn’t notice me.
    Chef said, “Before we continue talking about this, we need to decide if we are looking to search out a new home or we are going to rebuild this one. We have to decide and we have to move forward with the decision we make. We’ve been drifting and … I don’t know what you call it, but it isn’t working and we need to move forward with a plan … whatever we decide. We should vote, I guess.”
    “Show of hands,” Doc said, “One hand per man … this ain’t Chicago.”
    They chuckled. I didn’t get it. I pulled my knees into my chest and had a flash of memory. I was back in the house I barely remembered from the time before zombies had come crashing through the windows. My mother was putting me under the bed. She told me not to talk or make a single sound until she came back.
    Short Order raised his hand before Doc was done with his Chicago joke. Doc raised his hand after Short and then looked at Chef. Chef looked around and noticed me for the first time. The others dropped their hands.
    Chef said, “Mutt, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it from your … If you want to stay, I’ll stay. I don’t want to lay a decision this heavy on you, but I can’t imagine what-”
    I raised my hand and he stopped talking. Looking back, that changed everything. I set everything in motion. I can’t explain exactly why I popped my hand up. That’s one of those moments that I remember vividly, but I’m not certain I remember with complete accuracy. I read about that happening after President Kennedy was shot and people thought they remembered the details, but they got all twisted around in their memories. I don’t know why that’s any different than when we lost a thousand other people we knew since then, but I guess people weren’t used to killing and death back then.
    I probably did it because I was afraid the group was about to split or that Doc was just going to walk out one night. Maybe I thought the raiders were coming back or the zombies would keep coming in, but that doesn’t sound right to me now. It’s all shaded by what followed and I’m not the same person I was when I sat on that roof.
    I did raise my hand and everything changed.
    Chef looked back at the others. Doc and Short Order raised their hands back up again.  Doc pursed his lips and raised his other hand too. He winked at me and I tried to keep my hand from shaking.
    Chef faced me again. “You are sure, Mutt? You are absolutely sure you understand we are talking about leaving? We may be gone a long time and possibly forever. I’m not trying to talk you out of it. I just want to be sure you understand your vote here.”
    I nodded my head slowly. He kept staring at me. I nodded it more vigorously and felt a little ill after doing it. I wasn’t sure of a damn thing.
    Chef turned back to the others and held up his hand, “Well, we need to pack and plan today instead of playing farmers and ranchers. We’ll set out in the morning once we’re ready.”
    Everyone dropped their hands.
    Doc ran his hands through his white hair. “This is officially the most fucked up funeral I’ve ever been a part of.”
    “Amen?” Short Order said.
    Chef went down the stairs first. “We need to pack light on personal stuff. We need