find some way to know her and be known by her. My dreams helped me pretend that I was in love with someone and being loved in return. Without that ever happening for real, what does my life mean to anyone? To Mom? Dad? Paul and Cindy? Ally? Heck, I donât even know what my life means to me now....
⦠but all my deep philosophical thoughts are interrupted â¦
⦠by a low growl....
Okay, God, answer me this one, what does my life mean to Rusty with his huge fangs and wolfâs eyes? And donât tell me that it means heâd love to eat me for dinnerâIâm scared enough of him already!
12
C indy and Ally are hanging out in the family room. Paul and his best friend, Tim Gunther, come through the front door, joking around about something. Paul spins a basketball really fast on the tip of his finger. Iâd love to be able to do cool stuff like spinning a ball or juggling. I think jugglers look super cool handling three, four, maybe even five or more flying objects, one hand to the other, and the risky things like flaming torches, knives, and chain saws are even more awesome. Iâd also love to learn how to put my fingers in my mouth and whistle loud enough to blow out your eardrums. You see, when you canât do anything, you have lots of time to think about all the stuff you wish you could do.
Walking into the kitchen, Tim notices Cindy and Ally first. He seems to blush a little as he says, âHey.â
Paul looks away from his spinning basketball, tosses it into the air off the tip of his finger, grabs it, and says, âHi.â
Ally smiles and says hi back. Cindy doesnât say anything.
Paul asks, âWhatcha doinâ?â
Cindy says, âWe were gonna watch a movie.â
Paul asks, âOh yeah, which one?â
The storage area of the cabinet on which our big-screen TV sits houses hundreds of flicks.
Ally answers, âWeâre thinkinâ maybe Rain Man .â
Paul laughs. âIâm an excellent driver,â he says, imitating and quoting a line from the character Raymond, the autistic man in the movie who is every bit as addicted to driving his dadâs 1958 Buick Roadmaster as Debi is to saying, âI like McDonnos.â
Cindy and Ally laugh at Paulâs excellent mimicry of obsessive Raymond. Rain Man is a favorite around here; we have lots of movies about messed-up heroes. Although Rain Man is probably number one on our disability hit parade, there are plenty of others. Most are about brain-damaged types: My Left Foot , I Am Sam , Riding the Bus with My Sister , To Kill a Mockingbird (âHey, Boo Radleyâ), Regarding Henry , and even the much maligned Tropic Thunder (âYou went full retard, you never wanna go full retardâ). I personally believe that Mom wants to educate the world, one DVD viewing at a time, about people like me and now people like Debi too.
As I watch from my spot across the family room, I see something Iâve never noticed before: Cindy and Tim are an item too. They keep trying not to stare at each other, but they canât stop themselves. Every time they make eye contact, they both blush and quickly look away, only to come back to gazing into each otherâs eyes a few seconds later. Paul and Ally do this whole gazing thing too. But, like I said before, they act like theyâve been together forever. I donât know for how long Cindy and Tim have felt this way about each other, but itâs clear to me that they want to keep it a secret.
Ally asks the guys, âYou want to watch with us?â
Paul says, âNah, weâre gonna shoot some hoopsââ He pauses and asks, âSorry, Timbo, do you wanna watch Rain Man ?â
Tim hesitates a moment before he answers, âIâve never seen it.â
âReally?â Paul says. âMy mom would shoot you! If youâd rather watch, we canâitâs a great movie.â
Tim asks, âYou