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find some way to know her and be known by her. My dreams helped me pretend that I was in love with someone and being loved in return. Without that ever happening for real, what does my life mean to anyone? To Mom? Dad? Paul and Cindy? Ally? Heck, I don’t even know what my life means to me now....
    â€¦ but all my deep philosophical thoughts are interrupted …
    â€¦ by a low growl....
    Okay, God, answer me this one, what does my life mean to Rusty with his huge fangs and wolf’s eyes? And don’t tell me that it means he’d love to eat me for dinner—I’m scared enough of him already!

12
    C indy and Ally are hanging out in the family room. Paul and his best friend, Tim Gunther, come through the front door, joking around about something. Paul spins a basketball really fast on the tip of his finger. I’d love to be able to do cool stuff like spinning a ball or juggling. I think jugglers look super cool handling three, four, maybe even five or more flying objects, one hand to the other, and the risky things like flaming torches, knives, and chain saws are even more awesome. I’d also love to learn how to put my fingers in my mouth and whistle loud enough to blow out your eardrums. You see, when you can’t do anything, you have lots of time to think about all the stuff you wish you could do.
    Walking into the kitchen, Tim notices Cindy and Ally first. He seems to blush a little as he says, “Hey.”
    Paul looks away from his spinning basketball, tosses it into the air off the tip of his finger, grabs it, and says, “Hi.”
    Ally smiles and says hi back. Cindy doesn’t say anything.
    Paul asks, “Whatcha doin’?”
    Cindy says, “We were gonna watch a movie.”
    Paul asks, “Oh yeah, which one?”
    The storage area of the cabinet on which our big-screen TV sits houses hundreds of flicks.
    Ally answers, “We’re thinkin’ maybe Rain Man .”
    Paul laughs. “I’m an excellent driver,” he says, imitating and quoting a line from the character Raymond, the autistic man in the movie who is every bit as addicted to driving his dad’s 1958 Buick Roadmaster as Debi is to saying, “I like McDonnos.”
    Cindy and Ally laugh at Paul’s excellent mimicry of obsessive Raymond. Rain Man is a favorite around here; we have lots of movies about messed-up heroes. Although Rain Man is probably number one on our disability hit parade, there are plenty of others. Most are about brain-damaged types: My Left Foot , I Am Sam , Riding the Bus with My Sister , To Kill a Mockingbird (“Hey, Boo Radley”), Regarding Henry , and even the much maligned Tropic Thunder (“You went full retard, you never wanna go full retard”). I personally believe that Mom wants to educate the world, one DVD viewing at a time, about people like me and now people like Debi too.
    As I watch from my spot across the family room, I see something I’ve never noticed before: Cindy and Tim are an item too. They keep trying not to stare at each other, but they can’t stop themselves. Every time they make eye contact, they both blush and quickly look away, only to come back to gazing into each other’s eyes a few seconds later. Paul and Ally do this whole gazing thing too. But, like I said before, they act like they’ve been together forever. I don’t know for how long Cindy and Tim have felt this way about each other, but it’s clear to me that they want to keep it a secret.
    Ally asks the guys, “You want to watch with us?”
    Paul says, “Nah, we’re gonna shoot some hoops—” He pauses and asks, “Sorry, Timbo, do you wanna watch Rain Man ?”
    Tim hesitates a moment before he answers, “I’ve never seen it.”
    â€œReally?” Paul says. “My mom would shoot you! If you’d rather watch, we can—it’s a great movie.”
    Tim asks, “You