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'What's up,
bro?'
    'What would you say if I told you I might be
gay?'
    Silence, then, 'impossible,' she replied
briskly.
    'Why?'
    'We shared a womb for nine months. I'd know
you were gay before you did.'
    'I'm terrified, Geri. This guy...'
    'Who?'
    'A customer from work. He totally terrifies
me.'
    'Why?'
    'I don't know! I'm confused. My head's all
screwed up.'
    He heard her sigh down the phone. 'At least
give me something to work with other than "I don't know."'
    'Fine! I've just wanked off thinking about
him, okay?'
    'Woah, I think that's called over-sharing,
bro.'
    'Yeah, well you asked for it. Like I said, he
confuses me. When we were on a test-drive today, there was a buzz
between us. It was like he was trying to seduce me or something.
And I liked it. That's what I'm saying.'
    'So if you liked it, why have you just woken
me up in the middle of the night?'
    'Because he's invited me for dinner tomorrow
night. But what if I'm on the rebound after Sandy? What if this is
some kind of big "fuck you" to her for treating me badly? What if
I'm wrong? How can I reach my thirties and not notice that I might
be, even the smallest part of me might be gay!'
    There was silence down the end of the phone.
'Ever had feelings like that before?'
    'No.'
    'Are you sure? I mean, it's okay. You are
allowed.'
    'I've never felt like this before. Ever.'
    'Maybe you've always assumed you're straight
because that is what society wants. It's a big deal to stick your
head above the parapet and say "hey, guess what!" Especially in our
tolerant, delightful family.' Her tone softened. 'Don't be scared,
bro. Go with it. Don't try to rush anything. Just see what happens.
I'm with you all the way, you know that.'
    'Yeah, I know. Thanks, sis.'
    'But if you beat off again, don't tell me
about it, okay?'
    He laughed. 'I won't.'
    She blew him a kiss down the line and hung
up.
    Afterwards he lay there, with the mantra I'm gay spinning around his head. Had he always known it?
Known it and ignored it? Was it just a brief infatuation brought on
by extreme circumstances and desperation to get laid?
    He padded into the living room, retrieved his
laptop and took it back to bed with him. Maybe the porn test would
do it. He Googled "gay porn" and clicked the first site that came
up, feeling slightly guilty.
    That old Catholic upbringing , he
thought, as he scrolled through images of beautiful, muscled men
doing things to each other that he and Sandy had never even
discussed. He settled down in the dark. Maybe by morning, things
would be a lot clearer.
     
    ******
     
    He woke late, feeling refreshed and still
hard. He felt as if he had opened up an unexpected box of tasty
treats, and he had been given carte blanche to gorge himself
on them. Or someone had mainlined Viagra into his cock.
    As it was Saturday, he could stay in bed for
as long as he wanted so for the first time in his life, he did. Not
since he was a teenager had he jacked off so much. All day he
lazed, read, wanked and ate fast food. It was the most blissful day
he could remember having for a long while, a real bloke's day. A
sensual, greedy, lusty, cock-centric day. When he showered and
changed to prepare for his meal that night, his mood was so high it
felt chemically enhanced.

CHAPTER 4 - Life-changing Decisions

    Deansfield House was too classy a place for
him to bowl up to the front door in his crappy old Volvo, so he
borrowed the R8 instead. Paul was pleased to let him, giving him
the keys with a comment that he hoped the lucky woman would
appreciate it.
    He had chosen to wear a suit as Lex seemed to
be one of those men who would be smartly turned out whatever the
occasion. He gave his red Italian silk tie a good sniff to make
sure it did not smell like kebabs. He could get away with it, he
thought, if he put on some Givenchy Gentlemen as a cunning
disguise.
    The phone rang as he was walking out the
door. It was Geri, checking to see if he was back in the land of
the living.
    'I can't chat for long.