than I bargained forâmuch moreâyet doesnât seem actually to be anything. Just stupid, stupid, stupid. I am. Again.
Though should I just sitâmotor thrumming, hoping the continental edge will re-buoy me? Should I turn on the Fanfare again (Obama used it for his Lincoln Memorial speech, where it worked)? Should I climb out into the foggy chill and have a poke round my old edifice, possibly spy something I left a decade back? A plastic laundry hamper? A bicycle pump with Bascombe painted on in red nail polish? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Anyone else would drive off. Iâm worried, of course, about picking up a roof tack in my radials.
O UTSIDE MY CAR WINDOW , A RNIE U RQUHART, OR A man I take to be him, stands, talking, silenced by my closed glass. (Whereâs the Lexus hidden?) Heâs pointing beyond the berm and the ruin of my old houseâhis old houseâa stack of sticks rained down from the sky. Conceivably Iâve fallen into a carbon monoxide fugue. Has he been here long? Have we had our meeting already? Have I made everything right by him, the way I once did?
Arnie seems to me to be talking about the Twin Towers,which is possibly why heâs pointing north. I used to believe I could see them from my deck, though it was only clouds and light playing tricks. âIt mustâve taken some real nuts to do that,â Arnieâs saying, as I lower my window. Weâre suddenly very close to each other. âThat huge skyscraper just coming right at you, three hundred miles a fuckinâ hour. Fascinating, really.â I canât open my door because Arnieâs in the way. A current of damp, foggy ocean air sifts around me where Iâve been warm in here. When I was in college in Ann Arbor, I loved the cold. But no more. âWe bring our disasters down to our own level, donât we, Frank,â Arnieâs saying. âBut those poor people really couldnât. So weâre lucky down here in a way. You know?â Arnie turns toward the wrecked corpse of his house. âRemember that place? Boy, oh boy.â Out of the oceanâs hiss, a foghorn moans. Surprising it would be working when nothing else is.
âNature always has another thing to do to us, I guess, Arnie.â Itâs my best go-to Roethke line and fits most human situations. Arnie and I traded stories about poor old Ted when I sold him the house.
âTake the lively air, Frank.â Arnie says and begins walking toward the uprooted house, as if heâs abandoned all thought of me. âClimb the hell out and tell me what Iâm supposed to do with this wreck.â Heâs talking into the breeze. âIâd say I have a problem here, wouldnât you?â
Arnie Urquhart is changed and changed dramatically from the last time I saw himâat the closing, a decade ago. Every year heâs sent me a Christmas card, each one with a shiny color photo showcasing several smiling, healthy-as-all-get-out humans, grouped either on a dense, oak-shaded lawn, grass as green as Augusta, a big, white, rambling red-shuttered house in the background; or the same bunch in cabana attire, tumbled together on the sand, all grins, with a sparkling ocean behind and a golden retriever front and center. I assumed the beach picture to be taken more or less where we are at present, depicting the righteous outcome of things when life goes the way it ought to. At one point a smiling brown face became part of the Christmas showcase (female, pretty, young, in some kind of ethnic or tribal costume). Then two years later that face was replaced by an even more broadly smiling blond girl who I thought (for some reason) was Russian. I mightâve noticed the change in Arnieâs looks right then, if Iâd been looking closely. But I was never bored enough.
But sometime in the decade Arnieâs undergone considerable âwork.â The Arnie Urquhart I sold my house toâage