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through it with her man, Mama with Daddy, and my mom with my father. If I don’t know anything else, I know not to give my power to a man, and it starts by never letting them in my head to begin with. I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but my crown is mine to hold on to and so is all of the power that comes along with it.

3
    Hair
    â€œThink about it, take some time and put your eyes together/
We can make this thing right because I don’t want no other.”
    â€”JANET JACKSON FT. MISSY ELLIOT
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    â€œW hat was that all about earlier?” Jeremy asks as we make our way down the 405 freeway toward the beach. Tonight we’re going to Huntington Beach for the Christmas Eve bonfire. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Orange County to hang out. The last time was when I was at Family Christian with Rah, Nigel, and the rest of our crew, and it wasn’t anything like this night’s going to be. I don’t know any black people who surf, especially not at night. Noticing me messing with my ponytail, Jeremy lets out a slight laugh. “What’s wrong with you?”
    â€œMy hair’s being testy,” I say, looking in the passenger’s mirror and attempting to slick down my wayward strands, which is more like a big bush at the moment. I knew I should’ve braided my hair, but I couldn’t find a moment to do it. Now it’s going to be frizzy from being by the beach all day and night. Oh well. This Christmas I’ll just rock the natural look all the way and I’m already knowing it’ll be much to my dad’s disapproval. He’ll just have to live with it because I’ll be damned if I stay up to do my hair tonight. It’s already after nine, and I know we’re in for a long night.
    â€œI think it looks sexy.” Jeremy and his blue eyes are trying to get me in trouble tonight and I’m not having it. Rah’s already steaming and there’s no need in making that pot boil over. But then again, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
    â€œI like it when your hair’s bushy, too,” I say, running my fingers through his thick, wavy curls. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Jeremy had a little black in his family. Who knows; maybe he does somewhere down the line.
    â€œOkay, so are you going to continue to ignore my question or tell me what that was all about with Rah?” I look at Jeremy carefully eyeing the road and can’t help but wonder how far he thinks our friendship can really go. With Rah and me, I know our only limitation is us. But with Jeremy and his family issues, our limitations are more external.
    â€œThat was Rah being Rah,” I say, trying to avoid the whole truth. Jeremy might be a little hot if I tell him that Rah was my first invite and I accepted his invitation by default. “Besides, what difference does it make? I’m with you right now and that’s all that matters.” Did I just say that? I sound too much like a pimp. A vision of Maman and Jon Paul pops into my head, reminding me to be cool. I just saw firsthand what kind of trouble big pimping can get a sistah into.
    â€œWhatever, Jayd. Just let me know if I’m stepping on anyone’s toes.” Jeremy exits the freeway right by a huge mall where there’s no parking at all. It’s always packed on Christmas Eve. Personally, I like to catch the after-Christmas sales. Usually Nellie, Mickey, and I would hit up the malls and stay until we couldn’t take it anymore. But this year it looks like it’ll just be Mickey and me. I have missed hanging with Nellie’s bougie ass. I hope she comes to her senses one day because I would hate for her to end up on my permanent shit list, like Misty.
    â€œYou’ll be the first to know,” I say, readjusting my mom’s wrap across my shoulders. Luckily I still had a few clothes at Mama’s and was able to change out of my inherited