his dishes near the sink, Ben opened the stair door, letting it shut behind him as he took the steps two at a time. Inside his room, he lit the kerosene lamp and rummaged around his dresser drawer for Katieâs picture, taken when sheâd needed a photograph for her passport. Heâd left it here somewhere before his arrestâhidden under a stack of pants, he thought. And there would have been no reason for Mamm to open this drawer, much less find the picture. But if Mamm had, the picture would no doubt be destroyed. Mamm wouldnât allow a photograph of anyone in the house. That was the Amish way because it was considered vanity, and that was strictly forbidden.
Benâs fingers found the thin piece of paper. He pulled it out and lifted it to the flickering light of the lamp. Katieâs face looked back at him, her eyes shining with love. He remembered leaning over the photographerâs shoulder that day to distract Katie as the woman took the picture. Those days seemed like years ago, the joy lost in the pain of his jail time. Destroyed because of what heâd done. Oh how heâd loved Katieâand she him! He was sure of it. Katie wasnât one to fake such things. That was no doubt why Katie was going on so well with her lifeâ¦like heâd never even existed. That was the way she would go about things. Honestlyand without thought to appearances. Not that anyone blamed Katie for loving him, especially since sheâd joined the church and made peace with Da Hah and the community.
Ben laid the picture down with a sigh. He had no one to blame but himself. And now Katie would be sitting beside Norman on Sunday night. Norman, the shy, awkward guy. So unlike me, Ben thought. Was that what attracted Katie to Norman? She now wanted someone who was the opposite of his daring ways? Not that he could blame Katie for that either. Look how heâd turned outâa total disgrace to his family and the community. Walking to the window, Ben looked out at the barn and the road that lay on the other side of it. Lights from an Englisha automobile moved toward the north, having just passed the house. He watched the lights go, momentarily distracted from his troubled thoughts.
Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw a flicker of light beside the barn. Just a brief flash, but it shouldnât have been there. Moments later it came on again then blinked off. Someone was outside. Perhaps Daett was checking on some last minute chores. But it couldnât be Daett . Heâd be in the living room for evening devotions by now. Ben stayed by the window until a single beam found the house. It lasted only a moment. Someone was searching for something, and Ben was now sure it wasnât anyone in his family.
Roggeâs threats echoed in Benâs mind. Was he imagining things even as fear pounded through his veins? His family shouldnât be placed in danger because of him. He needed to face whoever was out there. Slipping out of the room, Ben crept down the stairs. Everyone was seated around the living room when he appeared. They looked up with pleased expressions on their faces, thinking he was joining them for devotions.
âIâm sorry,â he told them, âbut I think someone is outside by the barn. Iâm going to check.â
âThereâs someone out there?â Daett was already standing.
Ben held up his hand. âThere were threats made against me in court and in jail. I donât want you to go outside until Iâve checked to make sure everything is okay.â
âThreats?â Mamm asked, her face turning white.
âI will go with you.â Daett stepped toward him. â Da Hah will protect us.â
Ben forced himself to smile. â Yah , I hope so. You donât have to worry, Daett . I wonât do anyone any harm. I didnât learn how to hurt people while I was in the Englisha jail.â
Concern didnât leave his daett âs face.