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l ovin g it.
    I went into the Tate Modern expecting to be charged, b ut it turns out the place is free. The first thing that grabbed m y e y e was a massive crac k in t h e fl oor. T h is is t h e p ro bl em w it h not c h ar g in g , I t h ou gh t, t h e y can’t a ff or d t h e u pk ee p o f the buildin g . Until I realized it was an exhibit. The crack w as around 600 feet long, about a foot deep and went right t h roug h t h e ex h i b it h a ll . T h ere was a coup l e o f juice ca r tons an d a Lion Bar wra pp er at t h e b ottom. I d on’t k now i f t h e y were meant to b e t h ere or not.
    I took a leaflet that explained the piece and went to the b alcony above to get a better view. The leaflet said that the crac k is ca ll e d Shibboleth , w h ic h , accor d in g to t h e Ox f ord English Dictionar y , is “a wor d use d as a test f or d etectin g p eo pl e f rom anot h er d istrict or countr y by t h eir p ronun ciation; a word or a sound ver y difficult for forei g ners to p ronounce correctly”. The word refers back to an incident in the Bible when the Ephraimites were trying to cross the R i ver J or d an b ut g ot cau gh t by t h eir enemies t h e G il ea d ites. T h e E ph raimites were a ll f orce d to sa y t h e wor d s h i bb o l et h . S ince their dialect didn’t include the “sh” sound, this al l owe d t h e G i l ea d ites to i d enti f y an d s l aug h ter l arge numbers o f Ep h raimites. T h e l ea fl et went on to say h ow s h i bbo l et h is “a to k en o f p ower: t h e p ower to j u dg e an d k i ll ”. I too k fr o m t hi s t h at t h e Li o n B a r a n d d rink ca r to n w e r e n’ t m ea n t to be t h e r e.
    Tw o Iri s h f e ll as wh o w e r e stood n e x t to m e o n t h e ba lcon y l oo k e d at it f or a w h i l e b e f ore comin g to a conc l usion: “ T h at’s no art. It’s a l oa d o f s h ite”. I wasn’t sure i f t h e y were p ro p er art critics, but I did know one thin g for sure: the y definitely weren’t Ephraimites .
    I watc h e d as t h e crac k attracte d t h e crow d s. Peop l e wa lk e d al on g t h e si d e o f it. A n o ld woman h e ld onto h er d au gh ter’s arm an d wa lk e d care f u lly as i f s h e was on t h e e dg e o f t h e G r and Canyon. I was just thinking about how me A u n t y N ora would probably fall into it on purpose to get an insurance c l aim in (s h e cou ld t h en g et h er wis h o f fi na lly g ettin g h er gar d en Astrotur f e d – s h e’s sic k of h avin g to mow it) w h en a teac h e r shouted at one of her p u p ils fo r p ushing a wheelchair-bound pupil into the crack. Security came and un l o dg e d t h e w h ee l , w h i l e re p ortin g b ac k to someone on t h eir r a dio that the crack wasn’t dama g ed. The onlooking crowd did a quiet c l ap as i f t h ey’ d just witnesse d Eve l K nieve l survive a j um p t h at h a d g one wron g.
     

    I en j o y e d watc h in g t h e p eo pl e l oo k in g at t h e art more than the art itself. Maybe that was the point of it.
    I went to see what else they had. I thought I’d treat e ac h p iece o f art as i f it was in a s h o p an d I was b u y in g somet h in g to p o p in m y l ivin g room. T h e fi rst t h in g I saw w as some work b y an artist called J uan Muñoz. I decided p retty quickly that I wouldn’t want it in my living room as it wou ld n’t go wit h anyt h ing e l se t h at I h ave. It was a l i f e-size d war f (w h ic h b ac k s u p m y p oint a b out art g ettin g sma ll er), ma d e out o f c l a y , h o ld in g a rea l c h ess set w h i l e stood o n a w oode n tab l e. I sta r ed at i t f o r a f e w min utes a n d tried to see if it had a purpose. It didn’t. It was set up like a sta ll at a car b oot sa l e w h ere t h e tra d er h as trie d to d is pl a y t h eir goo d s in a h umorous way. I f it was a car b oot sa l e, I t h in k t h e y ’ d h ave so ld t h e c h ess set an d ta bl e b ut wou ld b e takin g the dwarf back home. It looked like a