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novelt y g ift, l ike one of them straw donkeys wearing a hat that a friend might bring you back from Spain. It was well done though. M a yb e d war f s are h ar d to ma k e cos o f t h e d i ff erent p ro p ortions. I remem b er t h e c h i ld ren’s TV artist Ton y Hart once sa y in g that horses are difficult to draw and model cos of the odd body size and legs. He never drew a dwarf, but I imagine it wou ld b e t h e same pro bl em .
    I cou ld n’t fi n d an y d etai l s on w h at t h e artist was tr y in g to d o, so I l istene d to ot h er s p ectators d iscuss it. “It ma k es me feel a bit awkward”, said a posh woman to her part n er. “That little guy freaks me right out”, said another. I l oo k e d at some more o f Muñoz’s wor k . T h ere was anot h e r d war f . Now I g ot t h e f ee l in g h e was ma k in g d war f s j ust to save mone y on cla y . The p iece was called S ara a n d f eatu r ed a woman dwarf looking at some pictures of herself on a snoo k er ta bl e. S h e was wearing h ig h h ee l s. I d i d n’t un d erstan d it so I l e f t.
    I h a d b een in t h e Tate f or a b out an h our an d h a d n’t rea lly l earnt anything. It’s not like a visit to a museum or a show w here you pick up facts – it was left to me to try and work e ver y t h in g out. A r t seems to b e a b out comin g u p wit h y ou r o wn story or ta k e on eac h piece. T h is ma d e me t h in k a b out t h e m y ster y o f t h e M ona Li s a . Ever y one l i k es t h at p aintin g cos the y don’t know the stor y behind it. Who is she? Wh y the cheeky smile? If the Mona L isa was done today, we’d know everything there was to know about her cos she’d h ave so ld h er stor y to H ea t magazine and done some open- h earte d interview wit h a ta bl oi d b e f ore t h e p aint was d r y .
    Another thin g that’s im p ortant about art is where it’s p laced, as it’s the surroundings that can make it more i n teresting. T h at b i g Angel of the Nort h statue in Gates h ea d is an exam pl e o f w h at I mean. It’s in a fi e ld o ff a motorwa y . M otorwa y s are t h e most b orin g t h in g s to d rive on, so stic k something there for people to look at and they’ll like it. I think that’s why cavemen built Stonehenge where it is – it ma d e t h e roa d next to it l ess b orin g to trave l on .
    Art was never a b i g d ea l in our h ouse. We h a d l ava l am p s, g lass clowns and ashtra y s on stands. There were two p aintings I can remember. One was a painting of two naked, Ch inese- l oo k ing women in moon l ig h t, ca ll e d Nymphs b y Moonli g ht . I t h in k me mam’s y oun g er b rot h er p ainte d it. It w as k e p t in t h e h a ll j ust a b ove t h e c h est f reezer t h at we h a d at the time. The other painting was Gainsborough’s B lue Bo y , which hung in the lounge in a gold frame next to the w ic k er d rin k in g b ar t h at we h a d . Ever y one on t h e estate seeme d to h ave t h at picture .
     

    A unt y Nora’s house had q uite a b i t o f a r t t h at I lik ed to l oo k at as a kid (she still has it all). She had a 3 D picture of a poodle that stuck its ton g ue out w h en y ou move d ; a cor k screw wit h a woo d en man o n to p , with a lever on his back that made him drink from a pint gl ass; an d t h en s h e h a d t h e Cryin g B o y , a p aintin g o f a y oun g l a d cr y ing t h at b ecame one o f t h e most ta lk ed about w o rk s o f a r t in t h e 1 980s. From what I can remember, th ere was a fi re in someone’s h ouse c ause d by a c h i p - p an. Ever y t h in g w as burnt to cinders a p art from a p rint of the Crying Bo y . Th e sa m e i nci d ent t h en h appene d som e wh ere e l se: c h i p - p an fi re, ever y th in g b urnt, b ut Crying Boy picture i ntact. This started a national panic a bout “The Curse of the Cryin g B o y ”. O t h er stories were f eature d in t h e news, inc l u d ing one a b out a woman w h ose h us b an d an d t h ree o ld er k i d s p