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about the worry of wanting “too much” in bed, or about appearing too slutty.
     
    So, it will come as no surprise that so many women feel that they shouldn’t have too much pleasure during sex, or that if they demand what they want it will be misinterpreted in a myriad of ways: that they’re slutty, or pushy, or have “a lot” of (i.e. too much) experience. This can be threatening to men, and cause other women to revile them.
     
    We’ve learned to sit back and take it, so to speak.
     
    Another facet of this same theory is the widely held opinion – no matter how wildly off the mark it is – that women who have been sexually abused or raped were in some way “asking for it,” or that they secretly enjoyed it in some way. It’s a dark place, psychologically, where no woman wants to go.
     
    We don’t want to have that fight in our mind, no matter how delicious it might be at the time, about the struggle between wanting pleasure and wanting to be “a good girl.” We feel guilty about going after pleasure, and we feel ashamed after having sought it.
     
    But by “giving in” to an alpha male who controls the sexual agenda within the confines of a healthy relationship, we are liberated from these thoughts and fears. When you are with an alpha male, you feel you have been given permission to show pleasure. After all, it’s not your fault – he’s the one who’s making you get all hot and bothered!
     
    As you can imagine, that can be an uncomfortable responsibility for a man to take on. And, think about how they were raised: be nice to girls, no means no, sexual harassment worries, date rape. Their relationships with women, even non-sexual relationships, have become veritable mine fields of feared missteps or misinterpreted conversations.
     
    So, here you are on the one side with these desires, which come from a complicated place in your heart and mind, and you don’t want to talk about these desires for fear of being labeled as something you’re not; and on the other side is your man, who loves you and cherishes you and never wants to do you any harm or assert in any way that you are anything less than equal, but who wants to please you sexually.
     
    I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “Forget it! That’s a conversation I don’t want to have. Ever.” You’re cringing, aren’t you, with the thought of how awkward it will be?
     
    Don’t worry. I understand that initial reaction, but the truth is that it doesn’t have to be awkward, contentious or even all that formal. There are many ways, both verbally and non-verbally, that you can let your partner know that you would like him to be more assertive when it comes to your sexual relationship.
     
    HOW TO LET HIM KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY DESIRE
     
    To get him to the point where he is calling all the shots in the bedroom, you’re going to have to do a little bit of calling the shots yourself, even though some of it might seem a bit of a roundabout method.
     
    First, determine for yourself what it is you want. Once you and your partner get into the groove, so to speak, you’ll know what feels right and what doesn’t, so trust that instinct; but, for starters, you should probably have some idea of what would be too much, or not enough.
     
    You really shouldn’t start anything that involves his assertiveness until you fully understand what excites you, why it excites you and what you need for him to do to get you to that point.
     
    For example, do you want him to seem like an authority figure? Do you want to take directions from him, and be told exactly what to do to him, or to yourself, and you simply do what he says?
     
    Or, do you want a bad boy? Do you want someone who smacks your ass, calls you names and does dirty, dirty things to you?
     
    How about a manly-man to flip you around, bend your body in ways you never knew it could, and be put in your place, so to speak.
     
    Then there is always the romantic alpha male – the one who