Read Jack & Jill for Free Online

here to cause you trouble," I told him, unsure if that was the whole truth, and more than a little disgusted at the audacity of him playing the victim. "I just want...I need to talk to you."
    He threw a cautious glance over my shoulder. The neighborhood was quiet, the street deserted.
    The rain, which had been a mere drizzle to that point, quickly strengthened until it was hissing against the pavement.
    " As soon as the rain goes away, you do too," he said gruffly, and turned away, leaving the open door as my invitation inside.
     
     
     
     
    TEN
     
     
    Entering the gloomy hallway was like stepping back inside the womb. Here was where everything began, and ended. Though the carpet in the hall had been changed in the intervening years, wasn't it here I knelt weeping, feeling the wooden floorboards pressing against my knees? To my right, the stairs, where I sat in the dark listening to my parents arguing about what to do with me, as if I was ever the problem?
    The house wa s smaller than I remembered it, the rooms narrower, as if my absence had created a vacuum that pulled the walls in closer. The air smelled stale and dusty, rank with memory.
    I follow ed my father into the living room. The light in here was dull, or perhaps the room had only possessed color in the old days, like a reversal of the photographic process. Boots scuffing against the carpet, the old man clicked the switch on a small shaded lamp. The yellow glow did little to add cheer, but illuminated enough to show just what had, and had not, changed.
    " Sit down," he said, halfheartedly indicating a leather armchair that hadn't been there in my day.
    The television was new. The sideboard was old and lined with pictures, some black and white (my father's parents, my parents' wedding), most faded color.
    I notice d that there were no pictures of me or John in that gallery.
    " Well?" my father said, brusquely. "Are you going to sit or what?"
    Although loath to obey any command from him, I did, and took a moment to steady my nerves, to bolster the facade of false composure I'd had to maintain since leaving the car. I'd sat out there for an hour, watching the house, the breath sucked from my lungs at the sight of the place, struggling to summon the courage to come to the door, to do anything but turn tail and run, to take Chris's advice and just go see the damn shrink. Anything had to be better than this. After all, what was I doing but voluntarily going back into the lair of the monster, a monster I had for years feared I'd never escape?
    But the d reams wouldn't stop, and my life was beginning to erode. I had to come here, to see if it might make a difference before everything was lost.
    Still standing, he asked, "You want a drink or something?"
    " I don't drink. Thank you."
    "Surprising."
    "Why is that surprising?"
    "You come from a long line of drinkers."
    And pedophiles? I almost asked, but figured if I wanted any kind of closure—assuming such a thing was even possible—it would be better to avoid antagonizing him, at least so soon.
    " So...how long has it been? Fifteen years?" he asked.
    "Something like that, yes."
    "I suppose you're married now?"
    "Yes."
    "Kids?"
    "Two."
    He smiled bitterly. "Two grandkids and I didn't even know."
    "You didn't know because they're nothing to you, and you're nothing to them. It didn't bother you to not know they existed, so let's keep it that way."
    "Fair enough. Bit late to make any kind of a connection with them now anyway I suppose, assuming you'd even allow it."
    "I w ouldn't."
    He smiled humorlessly. "Husband. Kids. Are you happy?"
    "Do you care?"
    He shrugged in response.
    "Then let's cut the chit-chat."
    "Fine." He cleared his throat. Since I'd arrived, the living room had become a source of renewed fascination for the old man. Anything to avoid making eye contact. "I assumed we were done with each other. Why the surprise visit?"
    " I'm having trouble sleeping."
    His bushy eyebrows rose . "And? Who doesn't? Why