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complacency that leads us to stay in shitty retail positions for extended periods of time is something that should have its own pharmaceutical to combat.
    So, as you see, every job you can possibly hope to have in life is going to have its ups and downs. Sometimes you might feel as though the entire professional world is conspiring against you. The important part is finding a life outside of work that fulfills, excites, and challenges you, because there are few things worse than having an identity entirely wrapped up in and defined by something that you can one day get fired from. We’ve all hadbrunch with those people who are incapable of talking about anything except their workweeks and various interesting things that happened to them with colleagues you’ve never heard of and/or don’t care about, and we know how tedious it is for everyone else, so it goes without saying that this should be avoided.
    But having a job is essential to life, and no matter how we choose to spend our working hours, we’re going to need to do something. Maybe, in order to maximize the amount of enjoyment we get out of working versus how many nights we go home and bang our heads repeatedly against the wall, we should come up with some kind of checklist for jobs we should be looking for. What is important, though? What are the deciding factors for what is going to make a job both attainable and fulfilling? Assuming that the world is just a sparkly merry-go-round of perfect jobs to pick from, what are the qualities that you could ultimately forgo in order to be happy overall?
    There are those among us who put top priority on our social lives. For those folks, it is essential to go out and stay out late, to try new things, to make friends, to be “on the scene” —whatever “scene” that may be. Regardless of who is going to condescendingly talk to you about how you’re “getting a little old for this nonsense,” your goal in life is to have a rich social calendar filled with activities and fabulous people and the errant bottle of champagne opened with a sword. Guess what, though? A huge number of jobs kind of cut that lifestyle off at the knees.
    We all think, on some level, that we can beat the system when it comes to balancing work life and play life. And, yes, a couple coke-fueled, completely fucking insane traders working at some huge investment bank in Manhattan manage to pull off eighty-hour workweeks and six-hour benders at clubs—but you are not one of them. And, plus, have you met them? Or, God forbid, worked with them? Because I have. (Met one, not worked with one. I’m happy to say that I’ve never held a job sucking the blood out of little children’s dreams at some Patrick Bateman–filled investment bank.) And you know what they’re like in person? Horrifying. At least the ones I’ve met. I was once lucky (?) enough to have an in-depth conversation with one of those fabled workaholic financiers about the circus-esque logistics of his life and the realities of having such immense professional pressure at the age of twenty-five. This was essentially our exchange:
    Me: So you must work really long hours, don’t you?
    Him: Yeah, we usually get into work at around 8:00 a.m. and don’t leave until at least nine-ish. Sometimes we’re there until midnight or whatever, it really depends.
    Me: Damn! How do you have time to do other things?
    Him: We go out and party all the time. I would say at least a few nights a week we go out to a club and stay there until 5:00 a.m. or so.
    Me: And you’re not tired?
    Him: I’m tired all the time! Are you kidding? But that’s just part of the lifestyle, kind of.
    Me: Do you even have time for a girlfriend?
    Him: Kind of. Most of the guys who work at the bank date girls who work in the fashion industry because they also work crazy hours, and they get paid shit, and they’re usually gorgeous—it goes