Read I Know I've Been Changed for Free Online

D-day, as Shondella had referred to it, ran rampant in my head. Drop-off day.
     
    I was eight, Shondella was thirteen, and Jasmine and Justin weren’t even a year old. Mama, or Rose as she made us call her, had left our hometown of Lake Charles, Louisiana, and driven for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, we arrived in Sweet Poke. I only knew that because I saw the huge WELCOME TO SWEET POKE sign lit up as we were pulling into town. Rose had pulled into the gas station and parked, and we sat there in that parking lot for over two hours. Rose had been acting strange all day, and snapping at each of us if anyone uttered a word. Justin and Jasmine napped in their car seats. Shondella and I were sitting in the backseat, quiet and scared. We knew something was up; we just didn’t know what. Rose was chain-smoking cigarettes, the car was clouded with smoke. We were too scared to even cough. Rose would puff a cigarette, run her fingers through her hair, bite her nails, huff, and sigh. It was so strange. I tried to ask her what we were doing, and she told me to shut up and just sit there until she figured out what she was going to do. After a little while, she got out and used the pay phone. We couldn’t hear what she said, but when she got back in the car, she was crying.
    “Mama, what’s wrong?” I asked softly, forgetting her request to call her by her first name.
    “Just be quiet! Okay? Why the hell can’t you just do what I tell you to do?” she snapped viciously. I sank into the seat, fighting back tears and vowing not to say another word.
    We all sat in silence for what seemed like eternity. Rose finally spoke. “Get out.”
    Not understanding what she meant, none of us moved.
    “I said, get out. Sugar Smack, get the twins.” Sugar Smack was my nickname. Given to me, Rose said, because all I ever wanted to eat was Sugar Smacks cereal. “Shondella, get your suitcase.” Rose stared straight ahead as she spoke. Shondella opened the door, got out, walked around to the back, and pulled out one huge suitcase from the trunk. We had watched Rose throw all of our meager belongings into that one oversize, raggedy suitcase. We didn’t question her then. Just like we didn’t question her now. Shondella slammed the trunk closed. I still hadn’t moved.
    “Sugar Smack, I’m not gon’ tell you again. Get the babies and get out.” Rose still didn’t turn around and look at me.
    I jumped and quickly started removing Justin from his car seat. He had woken up and was giggling and laughing, oblivious to what was going on. To be quite honest, I didn’t have a clue either. I handed him to Shondella, then unstrapped Jasmine and pulled her out of the car seat. I looked to Shondella for answers, but she wasn’t much help. She was standing there with a scowl across her face.
    “What’s going on?” I whispered as I took my place next to her.
    “Stop asking so many questions,” she snapped.
    I was getting frustrated. Here we were in some strange place called Sweet Poke, at a dirt-filled gas station in the middle of the night, being ordered out of the car by our mother.
    Rose rolled her window down. “Come here,” she called out.
    I adjusted Jasmine on my hip and followed Shondella to the car window.
    “Look, I thought long and hard about this. And I ain’t got no choice.” She swallowed, then took a deep breath. “I love y’all. Don’t let no one ever tell y’all otherwise. Someone will be here shortly. They family. They gon’ come through.” She sounded more like she was talking to herself than to us. “I’m not a bad person, I just made some bad decisions. Having you kids was a bad decision.”
    “This is because of Sam, ain’t it?” Shondella shouted. She was on the verge of tears. That just added to my fear because my sister was hard, even as a little girl, and she seldom cried about anything. “I heard him! I heard him tell you he couldn’t be with you ’cause he didn’t want no damn kids.”
    Rose