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on another adventure.” He blinked a few times as he pulled the hem of his shirt down. “Why are you here again?”
    I played with the frayed edges of a magazine. “I’m just…here. Do you want me to leave?”
    “No.”
    I sat on the floor, my back against his dresser. “I don’t think you’ve cleaned your room since the last time I was in here. It looks the same.”
    He made his way to the bed. “You don’t.”
    I ran my hands through the carpet, willing myself not to pull at my shirt or fix my hair. “I know. I look like shit,” I said, mocking him.
    He scowled. “I said you look like hell, but that’s not what I meant. I know it’s only been a few months, but you’re older somehow. I noticed it this morning. You…grew up.”
    “People tend to do that.” As soon as I said it, as soon as I heard the words come out of me, I wanted to take them back. Kyle wouldn’t grow up. He’d never be any older than twenty-one. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them. “You look the same. Girls are still hanging all over you, I’m sure.”
    He shot me a look but didn’t say anything.
    “Kyle used to get so pissed. He never understood why the girls fell all over you with your reputation.”
    Chase frowned. “My reputation?”
    “You know, the one where you screw anything without a penis.”
    His eyes rounded, then he laughed. I loved that sound. I hadn’t realized how much I missed his laugh until it warmed me from the inside.
    “Oh, that reputation.” He lay down on his side and folded the pillow under his head. “I saw you with Bear earlier. So I guess you’re with him, huh?”
    I bit my lip. I didn’t want to discuss Bear. I didn’t want to discuss anything that happened in the last five months. “Let’s…play a game,” I said, thinking of Kyle when I did. That was him. He was always saying “Let’s play a game” when we were kids, and then he’d make up stupid rules to some game only he could win. “We can’t talk about anything that happened after. Just before.”
    It made me sick to have to say it like that. Time would forever be told in those terms now. What happened before Kyle died, and what happened after.
    “Okay.” Chase nodded, all serious-like…but then he smiled. “I’m not sure why Kyle would ever be jealous of me. He got Brandy Farmer. Brandy. Farmer. Are you kidding me? Do you remember the boobs on her?”
    I laughed and slapped my hand over my mouth. Chase Crowley just made me laugh when I hadn’t so much as smiled in months. I liked the feeling. Actually, I loved the feeling .
    He smirked. “Don’t act like you didn’t notice.”
    “Who didn’t? She couldn’t keep them trapped inside a shirt apparently.”
    “They were their own entity. How could she keep them covered up? They were placed on her body to be enjoyed by all.”
    “Just not you,” I reminded him.
    “At least I got to look.”
    I dug my toes deeper into the carpet. “We had fun, you know?”
    He laid back. “I don’t know about that. You’re the annoying little sister.”
    Present tense. He said it in the present tense. But I wasn’t a sister, not anymore. You couldn’t be a sister unless you had a sibling. My sibling was dead.
    I couldn’t keep the sadness from my voice. “Bullshit. You loved me, too. Not just Kyle. It was the three of us. It was always the three of us.”
    His eyes widened, and then glazed over. I couldn’t take it. I looked away. A heavy silence fell over us.
    “Kels?”
    He was ruining everything. “What? We’re playing a game. Don’t screw up the game.”
    He motioned for me to come closer. “Get over here.”
    I shook my head. As badly as I wanted it—no, needed it—I couldn’t let Chase comfort me. If he held me, I’d break.
    “Get the fuck over here. Now.”
    I rubbed the sting from my eyes, then crawled toward him. I couldn’t help myself. “He’s gone,” I whispered, as if whispering it would make it less true.
    Chase pulled me into the bed