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together, we’d wrap ourselves in each other for hours. I’d lay my head on his shoulder, he’d put his warm, comfortable arms around me, and we’d just sit there. No talking, no touching, no anything. Every once in a while he’d drop a kiss on my forehead or cheek, but we never tried to go further than that.
    “I meant what I said earlier. I wish I could take away your pain.”
    And he usually could ease it. At least for a little while. He was a distraction, a break from the constant and unavoidable hole in my life. He gave me something else to focus on.
    Tonight, though, the absence of Kyle—and of Chase—loomed everywhere. There was nothing. Not even pain. The security of Bear’s tree-trunk arms weren’t helping because there wasn’t anything. Just an emptiness, like my insides had been gutted.
    When I was with Chase earlier, the feeling had left. But it was too good to last. The hollowness crept back into me now with agonizing speed. Bear and I slipped further down into the couch, side-by-side. I threw my leg over his hips and placed myself more firmly on him.
    He froze. “What are you doing?”
    I laughed at his anxious expression. “I’m just…trying something different.” Leaning into him, I kissed him with my lips parted, hoping he’d take the hint and deepen the kiss. He didn’t.
    Bear pulled away, his throat working. “Don’t get me wrong. This is fine. I like it. I do. It’s just we’ve never done anything like this before.” He gestured at our bodies. “I don’t want you to regret it.”
    He looked nervous eyeing how close our bodies were. Not nervous like he was excited, but nervous like he didn’t want to tell me no.
    Well, this was awkward. “I don’t want to have sex…tonight. Just kiss me. Kiss me like you can’t get enough of me.”
    His cheeks flamed. “I wasn’t talking about sex, Kelsey. That’s the last thing you need to worry about.”
    That was the thing. I didn’t want to worry about anything. I didn’t want to analyze my emotions and feelings. Analyzing made me think, and if I thought, I’d realize Chase had somehow been able to make me feel when no one else had. If I thought, I’d realize I was seeing a guy who kissed me like I was his grandmother. There was zero feeling, zero emotion. He was just going through the motions. You had to kiss your grandmother like you had to turn on the oven before you could bake a cake.
    Anger sparked in me. “Kyle’s dead. He’s not going to come kick your ass if you touch my boobs or grab my ass or kiss me with a little more passion.”
    His blue eyes widened, then shut as a wave of hurt panned his face.
    Cold regret washed over me. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” It was so easy to forget what Bear was going through. To forget he’d watched his friend die.
    He held on to me, tight. “Yes, you did. And that’s okay. I just figure we’ll get around to doing that stuff. You know, later. Not when you’re still sad about your brother. Not when we have to make up for months of lost time in a weekend. We’re not even officially dating.”
    He moved me against the back of the couch and brushed his hands through my hair. “I like making you feel better. That’s been my goal every time I’m with you. You know if you need me, I’ll be there. No matter what. I’ll be there.”
    My heart hurt. It wasn’t Bear’s sweet declaration, it was the way he brushed my hair with his fingers. Chase had done the same earlier.
    He’d managed to seep into my every thought, conscious or unconscious. A few measly minutes together and he’d threaded his way back into my life like he’d never been pulled out.
    …
    Bear dropped me at home later that night. Dad’s car was gone, Mom’s door was closed, and my mind wouldn’t shut off. Somehow, I found myself in Kyle’s room, lying faceup on his bed, my hands tucked behind my head. I didn’t make a habit of coming in here. Mom had left it the way it was, as if she