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anger. “You’re right. No point hanging with someone who has a panic attack every time he nearly gets stung by a bee.”
     
    I wanted to correct her, but what could I say? “It wasn’t a bee, it was a fairy” ? Not exactly a ringing endorsement for my masculinity, even though the fairy in question had looked more like Tinkerbell with rabies.
     
    She turned around and walked away.
     
    “Hey,” I called after her. “Back in the clearing, thanks for helping me.”
     
    She paused and looked over her shoulder, confused. Rather than get into an argument, I had sincerely shown gratitude, just to mess with her. Classic dick move. She didn’t say anything, just went back to her group who were all smiles at her return. I guess she hadn’t told them she wanted out.
     
    “Why did you do that?” asked Claire.
     
    “What? I did her a favour. She’s better off with them.”
     
    “Sure,” said Claire. “You told her to piss off because you like her so m—”
     
    I looked over to see why she had stopped in the middle of what she was saying, but she looked away, suddenly tending to the fire with great intensity.
     
    It took me a moment to realise she must have come to the conclusion I really did send Jenny away because I liked her and wanted what was best for her. Maybe on a subconscious level that was true, but there was an even more pressing reason to send her packing.
     
    Despite my claim that I don’t see women as inferior, I also don’t see them as equal to guys in all areas. That would be stupid. Clearly, the typical girl isn’t as strong or aggressive as the typical boy. There are exceptions, of course, but I didn’t think Jenny was going to turn out to have a love of MMA and a black belt in Brazilian jiu jitsu. In a world where we’d be fighting for our lives, the last thing our weak and feeble group needed was another girl.
     
     

14. Game Plan
     
    “What I said about killing to survive is true. I know it’s not what anyone of us wants to do, but pretending we can get through this by being decent, reasonable people isn’t going to work.”
     
    They all looked at me like I was telling them they had to kill puppies and strangle kittens. Which I was.
     
    “If we come up against anything like that ogre, we’re dead. We can run away, but eventually we’re going to have to fight, or starve to death. We have to learn how to kill. None of us is particularly strong or even sporty which means we have to use a different approach.”
     
    “What approach?” said Claire. None of them seemed to have any idea what I was talking about.
     
    “We have to be ruthless. And mean. Monsters aren’t going to want to talk things over and find a compromise. There won’t be any trade negotiations on Naboo.”
     
    Flossie raised her hand. “Ah don’t know what you’re talking about. What the fook is a Naboo?”
     
    “You’ve never seen the Phantom Menace?” said Maurice. “I’m so jealous. Wish I could mindwipe that memory.”
     
    “Can we stay focused?” I didn’t want a half-hour rant on the failings of George Lucas, and I could feel one about to erupt from Maurice. “What I’m saying is, back home people solved problems by asking the UN to apply sanctions. Here they hit things with sticks.”
     
    I waved my stick about for emphasis.
     
    “Frankly, I don’t know which is more useless, but at least with sticks you get a winner and a loser. If we don’t want to be the losers, we need to fight. Do you see what I’m saying?”
 
    They all nodded. They had no idea what I was saying.
     
    “We’re going to kill things. Some of them will be quite cute-looking. Weaker than us. Outnumbered and wanting to surrender. It doesn’t matter. We can’t afford to take prisoners or give them the benefit of the doubt. If they put their hands up, stab them in the face. If they wave a white flag, stab them in the face and use the flag as a scarf. We can’t hesitate or take risks or waste anything. Nobody