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gone, I looked up at the nurse, thanking her slightly with a smile.  It was the first time I had smiled in a long time. The nurse returned the smile kindly.
    She was careful and gentle while she changed my bandages.  It was strange to have someone cleaning me like I was a baby.  But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to wash my own body for a while.  Not only because I couldn’t bathe myself without getting my stitches wet, but also because I couldn’t look down at the horror on my wrists. 
    I thought deeply about the things that I had done to get myself here.  I thought about how much I had screwed up.  I thought about my family and the family I used to have. It seemed like it was right for me to breathe and smile at some point in my life.  Then everything had just burst to pieces.  There had been more downs than ups.  But there had been a point when things were up.  Then things had fallen back down, slowly at first, and then more quickly.  Things had rapidly turned from chaos and confusion to just plain old misery that had made life terrible. It had even been scary sometimes.  I was still scared. Just thinking about it horrified me. 
    I shuddered at the frigid air as the nurse began to undress me.  I was sad as the nurse washed me, because I knew that it would have to be like this for a while.
    I wanted to be on this type of rollercoaster: Life.  I always remembered the fun rollercoasters. The ones that turned you through seemingly endless and almost horrifying tunnels, and yet they were fun.  You never wanted them to end, and when they did, you’re either ready to ride another one or ride the same one again.  Nevertheless, the rollercoaster of Life was never ending until your dying day. 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER 4
     
     
    The next afternoon, Mom and Dr. Cuvo kept true to their word.  Dr. Cuvo was the first one I saw.  He came in with my chart and his usual smile.  When Dr. Cuvo said that it was time to go, Mom was ready to bring me to Bent Creek herself, but Dr. Cuvo said that, by law, the police or an ambulance had to escort me to the psychiatric hospital. 
    Mom said she’d meet us at Bent Creek.  She took my suitcase with her.  She wanted to drive over to Bent Creek in her car.  I was glad because I knew it would be awkward for her to ride with me in a police car or an ambulance.  I didn’t even remember seeing her in the ambulance on the night I had been rushed to the hospital.  She had been holding onto Nicholas to keep him away.  I got lost in my thoughts of that night.  I must have had a strange look on my face because Dr. Cuvo asked if I was all right.
    “Yes,” I lied.
    “Have you eaten?” Dr. Cuvo asked.
    “Yes, I ate,” I said as I looked away from his eyes.
    We walked down the hallway, followed by the plainly-dressed police officer. The police officer was going to take me to Bent Creek. I began to feel sick inside.  That feeling of death came over me.  It felt strange to have a police officer following me.  I felt like everyone in the hospital was staring at me, as if they knew where I was going and why.  My face flushed, and I felt a little dizzy.  I tried to keep my head down and stare at my own feet as I walked so that they could not see my eyes.  These were my consequences for being so useless and stupid. 
    “Kristen?”
    I looked up at Dr. Cuvo.  We stopped and waited for the elevator. 
    “If there’s anything you need from me while at Bent Creek, I can always be contacted.  We will have visits every day.  I want you to use this time to the best of your ability to try to let me help you work things out.”
    I stayed silent and nodded at him.  What was taking that elevator so long?  I looked over at the exit sign that led to the stairs.  I wondered if I could make a break for it.  The police officer waved his finger at me like he knew what I was thinking.  I rolled my eyes at him and looked back at Dr. Cuvo. 
    Finally, the elevator