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quickly.”
    “I don’t hide and I don’t lie, Ellie. I never make them any promises.” He leant toward
     her now, his gaze locked with hers. She had to look away and took another pull of
     wine to steady her nerves.
    “It doesn’t exist, you know,” she said.
    “What?”
    “The perfect relationship.”
    “I know.”
    “Do you?”
    “Look. I want to get married, eventually. I haven’t found the right person yet,” he
     said, flicking a grain of rice off the table.
    “You’ve had a lot of practice though.”
    “Hey, that’s not fair. I’m not going to just plump for the next person that comes
     along. I take the idea of marriage very seriously.”
    “Too seriously.”
    “You’re committing to this person for a long time so you’ve got to be sure.”
    “Is it the longevity thing you can’t get over? You learn to love someone you know.
     No one is going to be the perfect partner — you have to ignore the bad stuff.”
    “So naïve.”
    “At least I’m open to the idea. I don’t think you are. You like the idea in principle,
     but in practice … ” She shook her head.
    “How can you be so sanctimonious? I don’t see you getting out there looking for someone
     to trust again. You’ve given up. So don’t go lecturing me about not settling down.”
    Despite the uncomfortable squeeze of hurt his words provoked she was determined not
     to let him win this.
    “I’m in a totally different situation. I thought I’d have kids with Paul. I just need
     some time to grieve.”
    “It’s been six months. You need to pull yourself together. What you need is a great
     shag. That would sort you right out.”
    “Are you offering?” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.
     The silence only lasted for a split second, but to Ellie it felt like hours. Her heartbeat
     accelerated to fever pitch and a wave of heat rushed up her neck to her face.
    He looked at her steadily. “You want me to offer?”
    “God, no.”
Keep calm, Ellie.
    Gideon leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms above his head, his gaze scanning
     the kitchen. “All I meant is you should go out and have some fun. Have sex for sex’s
     sake. Don’t read so much into everything all the time.” He looked at her as if to
     gauge her reaction.
    Ellie was so glad he’d let her get away with her slip. “I can’t help it. It’s one
     of my major faults. According to Paul anyway.”
    She’d had no intention of talking about Paul again, to anyone, but now that she’d
     started it was as if a dam had broken and she found the words just came tumbling out.
    “You know the thing that really pisses me off about losing Paul?”
    Gideon raised his eyebrows, signaling her to go on.
    “I thought I’d found someone who could put up with all my annoying quirks. I didn’t
     have to hide them and pretend I was someone I wasn’t. Huh. That’s probably what drove
     him away. And now I’m back to square one. What a waste of time.” She flicked her hand
     forward in anger, knocking her fork onto the table, then rubbed the heels of her hands
     over her eyes. “You must think I’m a real screw-up.” She looked up at him expectantly,
     primed for his cutting answer.
    “You’re not a screw-up, Ellie. You just expected to be treated with more respect.
     You were right to. He’s the screw-up.”
    “Yeah, well … ” She could barely look at him. The wine they’d had with dinner had
     made her feel tired tonight and her head was beginning to throb. She couldn’t deal
     with this anymore, she was exhausted from feeling so much. “I’ve got to get to bed.
     I’m knackered.” She pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. “See you in
     the morning.”
    “Yeah. Night.”
    • • •
    Gideon watched her walk out, stumbling against the doorframe as she passed through
     it. That must have been the longest conversation he’d ever had with her. They’d always
     been surrounded by the others before and