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He took Audie’s chin in his massive hand, moving in to kiss her.
    â€œEmmanuel!” Chief Gregory interrupted, clapping his hands on Wall’s back. “Come out and help me check the tire pressure.”
    Wall gave Audie a wretched look and slumped out the door.
    Principal Gregory paid Max for the gas. “Here,” she said, handing the change to her daughter, “buy yourself a drink.” She turned back to Max. “And you—remember what I said. Whatever you need, hon.”
    â€œMom.”
    â€œThank you,” Max said. “I’ll remember.”
    After she left, Audie let out a long, exasperated breath. She grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, then rounded on Max like a feral dog. “So. Why’d you skip my game last night?”
    Max decided to feign choking on his Slim Jim to escape this line of questioning, but the jangle of door bells saved him from having to resort to such theatrics. Three girls walked in, two of them talking loudly. The third girl headed straight for the snack food section. Max watched as the top of her straight brown ponytail bobbed down the aisle, then stopped, hovering above the Cheetos. Giggling, the other two followed.
    â€œYou know what?” said Audie, a wicked grin spreading across her face as she watched the girls. “I don’t even want to hear your feeble excuses.” She pointed the remains of her Slim Jim into his face. “You know there’s only one way to make this up to me.”
    Max waved his hand, dismissive. “I’m not doing this today, Aud. I’m very close to beating the crossword record.”
    â€œOh, screw the crossword record.”
    Max narrowed his eyes. “How
dare
you.”
    â€œCome
onnn,
” Audie said in that whining voice she used when she knew full well she’d already won. She nodded toward the girls. “Try. For me.”
    Max grumbled. Ever since that fateful night their thirteen-year-old selves decided to finally French it up—a kiss that garnered such rave reviews as “slimy” and “like kissing my brother”—any potential sparks between them got permanently switched to Off, unplugged from the wall, and buried in the backyard, never to be spoken of again.
    This was totally fine with Max; he’d felt the same way about that gross kiss as she had. But once she started dating Wall, he got relegated to permanent third-wheel status, and now Audie was constantly getting on his case about nabbing a girlfriend. “We could go on double dates!” she’d insist, a prospect Max found especially nauseating. To get a date, one generally needed to be able to string words together in a coherent manner around the opposite sex, or at the very least be able to smile charmingly. Both Audie and Wall did these things quite well, whereas Max had all the flirting ability of a packing peanut.
    The venerably popular Krissy Swanson approached the counter with an armful of snacks and sodas. Audie stood behind her and made a go-ahead gesture at Max, followed by something much more vulgar. “Fine,” Max mouthed at her as Krissy dug through her purse.
    When she looked up, Max smiled. “Find everything okay?” he asked.
    â€œWhat?” she said in a distracted voice, as if surprised to learn that the counter kid spoke Human. “Uh, yeah.”
    Wiggling his eyebrows, Max held up the bag of Cheetos. “Processed cheese snacks,” he said with a knowing nod. “I like that in a woman.”
    Audie had to excuse herself.
    Krissy gave Max a look. “They’re not for
me. I’m
getting the soy chips and diet protein water.”
    â€œOh, yeah, you gotta have protein,” he said, scanning the rest of her items and placing them in a plastic bag. “Amino acids are, like, the shit. You like veal?”
    â€œI— What?”
    â€œMe neither. It’s baby cows, did you know that?” Max could already