Read Have a New Kid by Friday for Free Online

teaching your kids to make trouble.
    That’s why so many children can be perfect angels with Grandma but turn into little devils when they get home to Mama. Why do they misbehave around you? Because you expect them to, and the only way they can get attention from you is by misbehaving!
    How could things go so wrong? Take a little trip back in time. Remember when you first found out your little cherub would be in your life? Maybe you were blessed with 2 births in 18 months. Here’s what’s interesting. Even though Americans are supposedly the most educated people in the world, most of us fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to parenting. We follow our parents’ example.
    So if you grew up in a home that was a “don’t touch that, you’ll get hurt” kind of home, you’ll be overly cautious with your own kids. You’ll be constantly telling your children no.
    If you grew up with an abusive parent, you’ll find yourself yelling and lifting your hand to your child.
    If you grew up with parents who gave you the silent look for discipline, you’ll find yourself giving the same look to your child.
    But after a while, the words and the looks no longer work if there is no consistency, no follow-through, no consequences. Then a chasm develops between parent and child that can follow them for years into the future.
    When your children are giving you a run for your money, it’s always important to ask yourself three questions that will help you view the behavior in the most helpful light:
    1. What is the purposive nature of the behavior you’re addressing? (In other words, why is your child doing what he’s doing?)
    2. How do you, as the parent, feel in this situation? (What you think about the situation and the emotions you generate have everything to do with the way you respond to the situation.)
    3. Is this a mountain (something that will matter in the long run) or a molehill (the situation will take care of itself or is a small concern in the grand scheme of what you’re trying to accomplish in your child’s life)?
    For help on specific topics, look up the behavior and what to do about it in the section “Ask Dr. Leman.”
    We parents so want our children to be perfect (like us, of course) that we are masters at making mountains out of molehills. “But, Dr. Leman,” you ask, “how can I know for sure which thing is a mountain and which is a molehill?”

    Try out your skills at deciding with the “Mountain or Molehill?” quiz.
    Every child will fail, make mistakes, and embarrass you. But you don’t need to hold those failures over your child’s head for a lifetime. Correct the behavior and move on. What is most important, in the long run, is your child’s character.

    For Dr. Leman’s answers, see
    p. 291. 2
    Character Is #1
    Character is what really counts. It’s who you are when no one is looking.
    Character is caught from those you grow up with, namely your parents. It’s also taught through life lessons. The action-oriented discipline I’m prescribing in this book will go a long way toward helping a child save his character. Good character can be reinforced in a very natural, positive way: “I’m so glad you helped that girl. You saw she really needed help, and you helped her.” Negative character traits need to be dealt with: “I overheard you talking to your brother. What you said was unkind. You were being a bully. That is not acceptable in our home. You need to apologize to your brother immediately.”
    Part of being human means realizing how imperfect you are. Having character doesn’t mean you are perfect. It means you have an inner standard that cares about others more than yourself. Sadly, character is lacking in contemporary America. Surveys say that most people admit they would cheat to get ahead, and they wouldn’t necessarily feel bad about it. High school students and college students are cheating in bigger numbers each year.
    When I was an assistant dean of students at the