you?â
She slumps a little as if the question is a huge weight driving her into the ground.
After a moment â¦
âNot last night. I didnât love him then.â
Mum should be a politician. So good at dodging questions.
âIâm not just talking about last night,â I persist. âYou can be mad at someone when theyâre an idiot. You can even hate them for a while. But it doesnât stay like that. If you really love them, you still love them. You know what I mean?â
âYes, I understand.â
âSo ⦠do you love him, Mum?â
Thereâs a long pause when there shouldnât be and suddenly I know her answer without her saying it. A teargives it away.
She moves closer and then her headâs on my shoulder. I feel angry, disappointed, betrayed. Maybe angry tops the list. I donât understand how you can switch love off. Iâm sure I never will. But my mumâs hurting and I canât help but put my arms around her.
For about half a minute she stays next to me and thereâs no armour between us, no need for us to say anything.
Just as quickly the spell is broken.
âTime to go. Weâll both be late if weâre not careful.â
She pecks me on the forehead and then, seeing the damage, uses a handkerchief to wipe away the lipstick.
âIâll ring Dad today,â I say. âI have to.â
âOf course.â
She smiles â not one of those brand new the world is wonderful jobs â a second-hand, battle-scarred smile.
âThatâs a good idea. Ring him. Heâd like that ⦠now, shall I drop you at school or would you rather walk?â
Donât come anywhere near my school â puleeze!
âHere is good, thanks, Mum.â
As I get out of the car she touches my arm and I turn around and look at her.
âYou didnât want me to lie, did you, David?â
âNo,â I say. But I wish she had.
âChop. Chop. No more dallying. Hurry along now.â Miss Boyle claps her hands. âLetâs get this rehearsal underway. Cyrano is waiting.â
If she were an animal Miss Boyle would be a rhinoceros; head down and barging. Sheâs all bustle and business-like and her skin is so thick bullets fall away from it like snowflakes, or so sheâd like you to believe. Now she glances around the room, mentally taking the roll. My friends and I have been here for twenty minutes. Present and accounted for.
âMr Pringle?â Miss Boyleâs voice lifts to the ceiling. Her eyebrows arenât far behind. âNot here? Again? That lad is testing my patience.â
Lanny is usually late for rehearsals. He has a job after school at the supermarket â filling shelves â and canâtalways get away on time. Or so he says. I think heâs just slack. Miss Boyle isnât working with us on the lighting and sound yet, so Lannyâs friend David doesnât have to be here. But he is. Hardly ever misses. Today, after saying hi to everyone and helping move chairs around, he sits quietly at the back of the hall. I wonder about him; what he thinks and feels. When heâs with Lanny he melts into the background. But when heâs on his own like he is now, thereâs a darkness thatâs wrapped around him, some kind of sadness. I sense it, see it fleetingly in his eyes.
âDo you think one of us should go and talk to him?â I keep my voice low. âJust to be friendly.â
Megan grins. âHow friendly do you want to be?â
âItâs nothing like that.â I frown. âIâm only trying to be nice.â
âI agree with you.â Glenna has a quick peek over her shoulder at David. âHe might feel a bit outnumbered with no other boys here. Why donât you go and talk to him, Caitlin.â
âMe?â
âOh, come on.â Megan does the scoffing tone better than anyone. âYou know you want to. Admit it.â
I