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Ferguson, who are thought to be Scottish.
    Evvie’s curiosity is on a roll. “What about this Philip Smythe? What a la-de-da name.”
    “Who knows?” Alvin says. “Maybe Immigration changed his name, too.”
    Practical Shirley chimes in, “Now you’re on the payroll, find out for yourselves. Me, I prefer to think of him as Romeo.”
    From the open screen door I watch them leave down the walkway, still arguing.
    Evvie looks at me expectantly. “So when do we start?”
    “When the check clears, that’s when.”

    SIX
    THE PEEPER
    D ora Dooley, eighty-one, resident of Phase Six, apartment 114, was doing what she usually did late at night. She was sitting in her sunroom, watching today’s tape of her favorite soap opera, World of Our Dreams. That VCR was the best Christmas gift she’d ever received in her whole life, and it was from her darling neighbor, Jack Langford, after he’d learned she hardly slept nights. It had taken Dora a while to catch on to rewind, fast forward, and play, but she still had all her marbles and she learned. So every morning she watched her soap, recording it all the while, and looked forward to watching it again that night.
    And every night before she let her eyes close, she always rewound the tape, readying it for the following day.

    G e t t i n g O l d I s C r i m i n a l • 4 5
    Dora was very thin, and so tiny that her birdlike legs barely reached the edge of her worn recliner.
    She wore a heavy flannel gown, wool socks, and her favorite purple chenille robe she’d had for over fifty years—it was still as good as new. Her warm comforter was at the ready for when it grew really cool.
    Tonight, Dora had started playing her tape before eleven o’clock, early for her. But today’s show was so exciting she couldn’t wait another moment to watch it again. Evangeline and Errol were meeting for the first time in three years. Dora shivered with excitement. She’d known Errol would hunt for Evangeline until he found her again. He was possessed by her. But Dora also knew from reading her fan magazines that Errol, played by Leroy Johnson, had left the show three years ago because the producers wouldn’t pay him the money he wanted. But Errol was back, so they must have settled. And that’s what Dora did now. She settled back and pressed play.
    At first she thought she was imagining things.
    Dora suddenly felt weird, as if someone was staring at her. Something made her turn to the window and her skin began to crawl. There was a shadow out there, peering in. She squinted and realized the shadow was dressed all in black, and wore a super-man mask! She pulled her blanket over her head, hoping she’d imagined it and it would go away.
    But when she snuck a look out of the corner of her blanket, the shadow was still there! Oh, no! What 4 6 • R i t a L a k i n
    was it doing? She saw a hand moving . . . She closed her eyes, horrified.
    Instinctively Dora reached over and grabbed the weapon she always kept beside her recliner—
    her kitchen broom. She raised it high and banged on her ceiling as hard as she could.
    “Jack!” she screamed. “Jack Langford, get down here at once! And bring your gun!”
    When she looked back at the window, the disgusting figure was gone.
    Dora climbed out of her recliner, so she could meet Jack at the door. She shivered in disgust as she thought about what that Peeper had been doing outside her window. None of her soap friends would ever behave in such a disgraceful manner.
    As soon as Dora opened her front door, Jack hurried in. “I just got home. What is it? What’s happened? Are you all right?”
    Dora smiled, imagining that she was one of the characters on World of Our Dreams. It was nice having a cop living in her building, especially such a handsome and attentive one.

    SEVEN
    MAYBE MEN ARE
    FROM MARS
    Night two. Is this going to be my way of keeping track of my loneliness?
    Luckily I was so jet-lagged last night that, except for my nightmares, I