Getting Old Is a Disaster

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Book: Read Getting Old Is a Disaster for Free Online
Authors: Rita Lakin
from the bandit with its green feather cushioned the shock of his announcement.
      We dropped the girls off at Phase Two, thinking who knows what thoughts as they stared after us. Jack parked his car, and now we stroll, hand in hand, toward his apartment building. All I have brought to this evening's adventure is my toothbrush. I wish I'd had time to put on something slinky (not that I have much in that line). Or even a dab of perfume. But never mind, it's a beautiful evening. The storm clouds still hover, but the sky has striations of reds amongst the deep purplishblues. And I'm with my darling man.
      Jack swings my arm with his, like some happy five-year-old on his way to a party. "See how easy this will be?" Now he's the party clown putting on a smiley face for the birthday girl. His mood is contagious. I feel like a kid, too. I am fairly skipping along with him.
      We hurry upstairs to his apartment on the second floor. Jack turns the key in the lock. I glance around discreetly, relieved to see that no one is watching. The grounds are fairly empty since it is dinnertime for most people—those who don't live by early-bird-special rules.
      Jack's voice goes singsong. "I know what you're thinking."
      I laugh. "I know you know."
      Once we're inside, he makes a demonstration of double locking the doors. Dramatically, he pulls down the blinds in each of the rooms. "No one and nothing will spoil this evening. I give you my promise."
      "And I'll hold you to it." I watch his shenanigans with delight. He's so good to be with. I feel so blessed. I also feel a little nervous about where this is going.
      He turns off the phone ringer with a flourish. "There! We are alone in our little pleasure-dome cocoon. Nothing will disturb us."
      With that he grabs me and kisses me, holding me tight to him. It's a wonderful kiss, and the hug that goes with it feels like it may go on forever. I hope it does. We finally come up for air.
      "Need a drink for courage?" he asks me.
      "No," I whisper, trying to catch my breath.
      We zigzag our way to the couch. "Shall I tear off
    our clothes before or after we make it to the bed?" Jack says this as he's unbuttoning his shirt.
      "Wait," I say eagerly. "We need to exorcise old demons."
      "Go on, exorcise away." Jack kicks off his shoes.
      I am worried. Not so much about the act we intend to consummate—well, that, too, a little. My concern is, what will interrupt us this time? Something has on every other occasion. I have to voice it out loud. "May I remind you that in Pago Pago, just as were about to have at it, we received a fax that changed our plans immediately . . ."
      "How could I forget?" Jack gestures expansively with his hands. "No fax machine here. No problem."
      "And our silly fight that kept us apart for so long."
      "Over and forgotten."
      "In your New York hotel room, the phone rang, once again interrupting us with important news that had to be dealt with instantaneously."
      "Phone's turned off. No news can find us."
      I listen. The silence is wonderful.
      "Nothing's going to intrude. I'm telling you."
      "It will. I know it will."
      "Nonsense." He pulls me down on the couch. Then onto his lap. "Thank God."
      "Why 'Thank God'?"
      "Because I don't need Viagra."
      Kiss. Kiss. Ummn, more . . .
      "Lucky us to have each other."
      I snuggle closer into his arms. "No girls to interrupt."
      "No thinking about the girls allowed. Shut it down."
      "Done."
      More kissing and murmuring of silly nothings. How happy can one be? His body fits so well with mine. I let myself sink into the pleasure of the moment. It's been so long . . .
      The doorbell rings.
      We freeze.
      I moan, "No . . ."
      He echoes my "No," then shakes his head. "I will not answer it."
      We both jump up so quickly that we bang heads.
      The doorbell rings again. Jack mutters irritably, "I am absolutely not opening that

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