Getting Old Is a Disaster

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Book: Read Getting Old Is a Disaster for Free Online
Authors: Rita Lakin
is looking back at me. Usually I can read my sister's expression, but not tonight. Everyone's cheerful but there is an underlying tension. Kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am on edge wondering if Jack is going to make his promised announcement about my going home with him tonight. I'm hoping he doesn't.
      The checks arrive. Velma gives them out one at a time, making goo-goo eyes at Jack when she hands him his. The girls get into their usual discussion about tips. They pull out their little tip chart and make their decision. Velma always gets their best. Twelve percent.
      Jack says, "I really do want to treat all of you."
      I add, "And I agree. In honor of our celebration tonight."
      "Nonsense," says Ida. "I told you, we pay our own way." She reaches into her purse and takes out her share.
      Bella follows suit, digging down into her pockets. She pulls out crumpled-up dollar bills along with many, many coins, which she counts aloud.
      Evvie hands him her check and folds her hands. She smiles sweetly at Jack. "I don't mind being treated on occasion."
      Sophie grapples through her purse. Then again. And again. She throws up her hands in disgust. "I can't believe it. I left my wallet at home."
      "Shh," Bella cries out. "I lost count. Now I have to start again." With that she flails her arms and accidentally knocks her pile of coins onto the floor.
      Jack gallantly stoops down to pick them up.
      While he is down there on his knees, reaching under the table, a drumroll sounds. More like someone banging on a pot. Even though it's still light outside, someone is flashing the light switches off and on. And a huge chorus of voices begins to sing, "Happy engagement to Jack and Gladdy, happy engagement to them . . ."
      Jack, caught on his knees as if he is in proposal mode, practically cracks his skull leaping out from under the table.
      All the diners in the restaurant burst into applause.
      I shrug at Jack and point to the huge strawberry cheesecake lit with candles that Velma holds aloft as she comes toward us.

    * * *
    The bill is finally paid. By Jack. Why am I not surprised? The girls are about to stand up, when Jack announces. "Ladies, I have something to tell you."
      I gasp. I can't believe he's actually going to do it. All eyes look to him expectantly. "Glad won't be going straight home tonight. I'll drop you all off, then Gladdy and I will go to my apartment."
      Sophie and Bella don't get it right away. When Bella does, she blushes. Ida's head drops down as she rips what's left of the bread on her plate into little pieces. Sophie giggles. Evvie slyly smiles.
      The awkward silence that follows is broken by Mr. Kay, the manager, who walks over to our table and hands me a plain white envelope. "Mrs. Gold, a gentleman gave this to me on his way out and asked me to deliver it to you."
      I open it as the girls begin to come out of their comatose state. Inside is a plain white piece of paper folded in thirds. As I take it out a small green feather flutters onto the table. I pick it up as I read from the scrawled note, " 'Getting old ain't for sissies. Catch me if you can.' " There's more but the girls are already on their feet. I shove the note and feather in my purse and stand.
      Bella fairly swoons. "Another note from the Grandpa Bandit!"
      To Jack's astonishment, we all race for the door. Once outside we look around the parking lot.
      "Look!" Evvie shouts.
      We see a hand waving to us from the darkened window of a senior pickup van leaving the shopping center. We hurry to the curb, but are too late. Evvie quickly grabs her pen and takes down the model and license number of the van.
      Back in the restaurant again, we question the manager. But all Mr. Kay can say is he was an old guy with gray hair. Figures.

6

    Jack's Place

    F rom Jack's grinning and whistling, I gather the
        girls didn't throw him off as much as I feared. I guess the letter

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