Getting Even

Read Getting Even for Free Online

Book: Read Getting Even for Free Online
Authors: Woody Allen
eighty thousand a year. Passementeries. He’s got his own factory. Two points.
       Death: What?
       Nat: Two points. I’m knocking. What have you got?
       Death: My hand is like a basketball score.
       Nat: And it’s spades.
       Death: If you didn’t talk so much.
        (They redeal and play on.)
       Nat: What’d you mean before when you said this was your first job?
       Death: What does it sound like?
       Nat: What are you telling me-that nobody ever went before?
       Death: Sure they went. But I didn’t take them.
       Nat: So who did?
       Death: Others.
       Nat: There’s others?
       Death: Sure. Each one has his own personal way of going.
       Nat: I never knew that.
       Death: Why should you know? Who are you?
       Nat: What do you mean who am I? Why-I’m nothing?
       Death: Not nothing. You’re a dress manufacturer. Where do you come to knowledge of the eternal mysteries?
       Nat: What are you talking about? I make a beautiful dollar. I sent two kids through college. One is in advertising, the other’s married. I got my own home. I drive a Chrysler. My wife has whatever she wants. Maids, mink coat, vacations. Right now she’s at the Eden Roc. Fifty dollars a day because she wants to be near her sister. I’m supposed to join her next week, so what do you think I am -some guy off the street?
       Death: All right. Don’t be so touchy.
       Nat: Who’s touchy?
       Death: How would you like it if I got insulted quickly?
       Nat: Did I insult you?
       Death: You didn’t say you were disappointed in me?
       Nat: What do you expect? You want me to throw you a block party?
       Death: I’m not talking about that. I mean me personally. I’m too short, I’m this, I’m that.
       Nat: I said you looked like me. It’s like a reflection.
       Death: All right, deal, deal.
        (They continue to play as music steals in and the lights dim until all is in total darkness. The lights slowly come up again, and now it is later and their game is over. Nat tallies. )
       Nat: Sixty-eight… one-fifty… Well, you lose.
       Death (dejectedly looking through the deck): I knew I shouldn’t have thrown that nine. Damn it.
       Nat: So I’ll see you tomorrow.
       Death: What do you mean you’ll see me tomorrow?
       Nat: I won the extra day. Leave me alone.
       Death: You were serious?
       Nat: We made a deal.
       Death: Yeah, but-
       Nat: Don’t “but” me. I won twenty-four hours. Come back tomorrow.
       Death: I didn’t know we were actually playing for time.
       Nat: That’s too bad about you. You should pay attention.
       Death: Where am I going to go for twenty-four hours?
       Nat: What’s the difference? The main thing is I won an extra day.
       Death: What do you want me to do-walk the streets?
       Nat: Check into a hotel and go to a movie. Take a schvitz. Don’t make a federal case.
       Death: Add the score again.
       Nat: Plus you owe me twenty-eight dollars.
       Death: What?
       Nat: That’s right, Buster. Here it is-read it.
       Death (going through pockets): I have a few singles- not twenty-eight dollars.
       Nat: I’ll take a check.
       Death: From what account?
       Nat: Look who I’m dealing with.
       Death: Sue me. Where do I keep my checking account?
       Nat: All right, gimme what you got and we’ll call it square.
       Death: Listen, I need that money.
       Nat: Why should you need money?
       Death: What are you talking about? You’re going to the Beyond.
       Nat: So?
       Death: So-you know how far that is?
       Nat: So?
       Death: So where’s gas? Where’s tolls?
       Nat: We’re going by car!
       Death: You’ll find out. (Agitatedly) Look-I’ll be back tomorrow, and you’ll give me a chance to win the money back. Otherwise I’m in definite trouble.
       Nat: Anything you want. Double or nothing we’ll play. I’m

Similar Books

The Weight of Rain

Mariah Dietz

Prophecy, Child of Earth

Elizabeth Haydon

In This Life

Christine Brae

Silverbeach Manor

Margaret S. Haycraft

Fallen

Karin Slaughter

OffshoreSeductions

Patti Shenberger

Holiday With Mr. Right

Carlotte Ashwood