my back. I guess she’s trying to rub my back but I don’t feel it.
The front door opens, startling me. I blink a few times and ignore my sister. I look behind me to see Max coming outside with no shoes on. “You should put on some shoes,” I say without thought. I have this problem with trying to take care of those I love.
I don’t love Max but Sarah did, and that means something to me.
He clears his throat and looks down. “Would you think I’m insane if I said the cold pavement is the only thing I can feel right now?”
I give it some thought. Obviously, since I’m seeing my dead sister, I’m no one to talk about who’s insane and who isn’t. I shake my head and turn back to the road. I don’t really want company right now.
He doesn’t seem to understand that right now, but Max doesn’t usually understand anything. He sits down right where his dead wife is sitting and I flinch, even though I know she isn’t really here.
I pull more smoke into my lungs and ignore him. Max usually does all the speaking for both of us anyway. “Sarah would have a shit fit if she saw you right now.”
I just nod because that’s true.
He sighs and then puts his head in his hands. I think he’s going to start crying again and it freaks me out. I hate comforting people because I never say the right thing. “You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, right?”
I choke on my next hit and glare at him. “What? When did you hurt me?”
“When Tate left.” He rubs his hands up and down his face. I hear his stubble scratch his skin. “Sarah was so pissed at me. Said I hurt you and she couldn’t forgive that.” He lets out a dry laugh. “You could do anything to that girl, anything and she would forgive you. But if someone hurt you, she’d never forgive them. The two of you, you had this amazing relationship the rest of us only wished we had with someone.”
This statement breaks me. And the tears I didn’t think I had left leak out of my sore eyes. He doesn’t seem to notice because he keeps right on talking. “Tate called her once, after he left. He wanted to know how you were doing. She ripped him a new one over the phone. I’d never heard her talk to someone like that before. Not even me, when I didn’t tell you he was leaving.” He reaches out and touches my shoulder. I don’t look at him though, I refuse. “I didn’t know what to do, Farah. I didn’t know he would leave you like that. I honestly thought he was going to take you with him.”
Like that is an excuse for either of their actions.
I use my hand to wipe my tears away. “I would have done the same thing for Sarah. Don’t beat yourself up about it anymore. All of that is on Tate anyway.”
“You know he’s coming, right?” He says this gruffly, like it makes him uncomfortable.
I nod again, because saying yes right now would kill me.
Done with this conversation I get up off the curb, tossing my smoke onto the street. Max looks up at me and I stare down at him. I guess I wasn’t done like I thought I was. “I’ll be here for you. I’d do anything for Sarah, even in death. And she’d want me to be here for you and for Blake.”
Max takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I know that.” Then his brown eyes look away from me and out to the street. “You’ll check out though. You’ll be here, but you won’t.”
I look at him a moment longer before turning away and heading back into the house. He’s right of course. I’ll check out the second my head hits a pillow. When I wake up I’ll just be an empty husk filled with nothing but horrible, dark feelings. The woman I was before today, she’s dead.
Tate
I pull my bike up outside of my little brother’s house. The bike I had my Dad drop off at the airport for me. Beth hates it, so I left it in my dad’s safe keeping.
I hate to say I’m a little apprehensive to be here. Farah is in that house. My little brother is in there. They are going through a whole lot and
James Chesney, James Smith
Katharine Kerr, Mark Kreighbaum