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No one has needed me in a long time and right now, he definitely needs me. I want to be there for him, Sarah would want me to be there for him.
    His brown eyes follow my mother and he looks really pissed off. I don’t understand it at all. I thought they got along. Everyone loves Nancy Gentry. Well…except me.
    And on that thought, I burst up from my seat. This is all too much. Sitting in here with all these people, half who don’t even like me. Max’s head sharply turns towards me but I don’t meet his eyes. I bend down to kiss Blake on his beautiful little head and head for the front door.
    I need a fucking cigarette. I quit smoking years ago, but I still need one when I stress out. I bought a pack at the gas station, a block from the hospital, while Sarah was still in surgery.
    I step out of Max and Sarah’s little house and walk down the front path to the curb. Sarah is right behind me, giving me this disappointed face. This makes me snort, considering she’s dead and I’m out here feeling guilty because this figment of my imagination doesn’t like what I’m doing.
    I flip her off and pull the pack out of my jacket pocket. I’ve been wearing this thing since we left the house yesterday. I never even took it off in the hospital and I don’t know why. It’s not even that cold outside today.
    I put the smoke I just dragged out of the pack to my mouth and dig out my lighter. Then I light it and take a deep drag. The smoke burns my throat and I welcome it. Fuck this day. Fuck this week. Fuck this month. One bad thing after another just keeps happening and I have no idea what to do about any of it.
    I don’t know if I can stay here with Max and Blake. I know his parents, along with mine, will help with Blake, especially when Max has to work. I can always bunk with Pops since his ass lives in the middle of nowhere. At least I’m not completely homeless.
    My job isn’t going to like this. I was already on the verge of getting fired. When Tate left, I think I lost an important part of myself. I wasn’t the same, haven’t been the same. My boss doesn’t like that much. I guess my customers want to see me smiling while I touch, cut and color their hair. When in fact, it brings me no joy whatsoever.
    Then there is Tate himself. He’s coming here and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it. I can’t keep him from his brother and nephew but I want to. I feel like I should get them in the divorce considering he up and left without much notice.
    He told Max. Max then decided this information wasn’t something I needed to hear. I mean why wasn’t I important enough to know my boyfriend of a year was moving away? Why wasn’t I good enough for him? Why did I have to suffer because Tate wasn’t man enough to admit he didn’t love me?
    I don’t give one flying fuck what that man says. You don’t leave someone you love, with no notice. You don’t fucking rip their fucking heart out for no goddamn reason. That’s not love. That’s indifference.
    I take another huge drag off my smoke and stare at the street in front of me. I’m twenty-six years old. Up until six hours ago I had a beautiful twin sister who made me feel like the most special person alive. I have no boyfriend. No children. Probably no job when I don’t show up in thirty minutes for work.
    I. Have. Nothing.
    Sarah comes to sit beside me and it’s so hard not to lean my head on her imaginary shoulder. She was always there for me. No matter what. She loved me unconditionally. She was the only person who ever did. I could fuck up so bad and she would answer the phone in the middle of the night and fix everything.
    I take another drag off my cigarette, letting the smoke come out of my nose. The sting feels so good because the only other thing I feel is grief. God I feel so much grief. It’s choking me on the inside, twisting my organs to make room like it wants to stay for a good long while.
    Sarah reaches up and her arm moves up and down behind