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closed her eyes and let him hold her like
that for several minutes, the two of them silent as the limousine
swiftly carried them along the interstate. But she could feel him
thinking. She could feel the energy of his mind racing in the air
around them.
    After some time had passed, Mark kissed the
top of her head. When he spoke, his voice was so soft it was almost
a whisper. “Yes, I’m rediscovering myself with you, Karma. And
while I’m eager to capture this new version of me, I won’t lie and
say it’s all good. Sometimes, I’m scared for where the journey is
taking me. Sometimes, I worry how you’ll react as you learn who I
really am. What I’ve done. Who I want to be.” His entire body
shivered as he tightened his embrace, revealing just how vulnerable
his words made him feel.
    Her heart beat a little harder that he’d
trusted her enough to share his fear with her. What he said next,
however, made ice flow through her veins.
    “But sometimes, Karma, I worry my love won’t
be enough.”

Chapter 2
    Very often a change of self is needed more than a
change of scene.
    -Arthur Christopher Benson
    There was still so much Mark hadn’t told Karma about
his past. Things he hadn’t thought about in years, some he hadn’t
even remembered until the past few weeks.
    Something about falling in love and wanting
to build a life with Karma forced his tucked-away memories to
awaken and leap to the front of his mind. It was as if he’d chosen
to not only push what had happened with Carol into the shadows, but
also all the affairs he’d sought out afterward to help him forget.
And now, his desire to fully share himself made him remember
everything. Even those things he simply wanted to let fade into the
recesses of oblivion.
    But he couldn’t undo what had been done. And
he couldn’t completely stamp out memories that had burned
themselves on his mind.
    It had been eight years since Carol, and for
the first six before he met Karma, he’d engaged in an endless
stream of short-term flings. He hadn’t been shy about his sexual
prowess. He’d pursued women with an unquenchable thirst, at least
at first. He’d done things. Tawdry things. Crazy things. Even a
couple of disturbing things. All in his quest to forget Carol.
    Oh, sure. He’d said he wanted to better
understand women and learn how to be an expert lover so he never
had to suffer the same heartache again, but those were just excuses
to give him a noble purpose. The truth was, all the shit he’d done
during those six years had been about one thing, and one thing
only. Forgetting Carol. The rest was just gravy.
    Then he met Karma. From the moment he saw her
tugging self-consciously at the hem of her red dress while sitting
at the blackjack table at the fundraiser in Chicago, there hadn’t
been room for anyone else. What countless women hadn’t been able to
do for six years, Karma did in one night. He forgot Carol. Not
permanently, because Carol’s memory still haunted him, but at least
for a few hours. Karma had made him feel hope for the first time
that night. Something no other woman had been able to do. Which was
ultimately how he knew she was the only woman he’d ever want for
the rest of his life, even if it had taken him a while to figure
that out.
    But he couldn’t erase all the shit he’d done
in those six years, no matter how badly he wanted to.
    He had become so good at his façade—so
skilled as a lover—that if he didn’t end his affairs within a month
or two, the women began expecting more. More time, more
intimacy.
    More commitment .
    And commitment was something he hadn’t been
able to give. After Carol, he’d become almost allergic to the
concept. Just hearing the word wedding was enough to send
him into a panic attack. Actually attending a wedding required a
generous dose of Valium or Xanax.
    To avoid commitment-centric complications,
he’d begun warning women up front that he wasn’t interested in
long-term relationships. Better to do