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that from the start rather
than risk a misunderstanding later. Unfortunately, doing so had
landed him a few women who took his affection to the other extreme.
They’d wanted sex, and a lot of it. And sometimes the sex walked
the line between socially acceptable and unconventional. Or maybe
deviant was a better word. Because things he’d done a time or two
had definitely been deviant. At least by the definition he
eventually accepted for his own behavior.
    But those first two years post-Carol had been
a nefarious, perverted time.
    Eventually, he developed his own brand of
sexual behavior, choosing to focus more on the women he dated than
on his own needs. He learned to forsake his own kinks to give women
what they wanted.
    But now, with Karma, he’d found a woman he
wanted to explore his own desires with again, not just hers. He
wanted to give himself completely to her, and he wanted to unlock
the closet of his sexual fantasies again.
    But he wasn’t sure how Karma would react. He
was pretty sure she would be receptive to a couple of things he
wanted to do, because they’d already played around with the ideas.
But there were a couple she might shy away from. And then there was
the one thing he wasn’t even sure he could do, anymore,
simply because he was so fucking damaged. That one wasn’t even
sexual, and yet it tortured his soul.
    He was walking a very thin, extremely
delicate line. One that he needed to cautiously guide Karma along.
How far was she willing to let him go? How far was she willing to
trust him? If he pushed her too far, he risked altering the entire
dynamic of their relationship and driving her away. However, if he
could take her just to the edge without crossing it, the increased
intimacy could vault them to pure euphoria and a depth of trust
that would bind them forever. But if he edged her even a millimeter
past that line, the trust would be broken and shatter them.
    The situation was even trickier because he
wanted to marry her. But to marry her, he needed to tell her
everything. He needed to confess not just the things he’d done, but
also the things he wanted to do. He couldn’t do that until he knew
how far she was willing to go.
    Which put him in a tight place. Because he
couldn’t know how far she was willing to go until he told her what
he wanted to do, and vice versa. Talk about your rocks and hard
places. There was no easy way out of this one.
    And to make matters worse, he was still
trying to overcome his anxiety over the thought of standing at the
front of a church, waiting for her to walk around the corner and
stride up the aisle on her father’s arm.
    He was ready to propose. Ready to put the
ring on her finger and make their relationship official after only
one month back in her life. But he was scared shitless about all
the rest.
    What the hell was wrong with him? Why
couldn’t he get past this? He seemed forever stuck in the middle,
and that meant she was stuck there with him, neither of them moving
forward.
    This was getting to be familiar territory in
their relationship.
    The entire four months they’d been together
two summers ago, they had flirted with commitment, but neither had
let themselves or the other quite get there.
    Middle ground.
    Then they’d been apart for a year. But even
apart, they’d both held onto hope they’d be together again someday.
Hope had prevented either from embracing a life with someone else,
even though Karma had tried with Brad.
    Again, middle ground.
    And here they were once more, finally
together, but not really together, because he hadn’t
thoroughly let go of the past and his fears. Something still held
him back, despite his absolute belief Karma was it for him.
The only woman he ever wanted to sleep with, kiss, hold, and love
for the rest of his life.
    Fucking son of a bitch middle ground. Still.
    Even after the hell and strife he’d overcome
to find his way back into her life, he still clung to shreds of the
past, caught in the middle