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little boys know where
you are?"
    "Uh, what?" Jeff replied.
    Motioning toward the school, Williams said,
"That, right there, is a school. Did you know that exposing
yourself anywhere near a school, much less on the damn sliding
board on the fucking playground, gives you an automatic membership
to the sex offender's list?"
    "No, we just—" Dale stammered.
    "Yeah, you don't even get a trial or nothin',"
Ryan yelled out as if he were a hillbilly sheriff.
    Jeff began, "Look, officers we were just—"
    "Save it." Williams looked at his partner. "Now,
should we let them get dressed before we haul them to the station,
or—"
    "I don't know. They'd be pretty popular down
there if—"
    "Please, don't arrest us. This is all just a
big—" Jeff interrupted.
    "Look, college boy. Just shut up," Williams
began. "I think we should let 'em get dressed. I don’t want their
dirty, naked asses on my seats."
    The officers shared a nod. "All right, ladies,
cover up. I've seen enough Vienna sausage for one night."
    Dale and Jeff rushed to put on their clothes as
the officers folded their arms, staring at them while wearing
irritated looks. Once fully dressed, the two were handcuffed and
placed in the back of the police car.
    Officer Williams let the two idiots sweat in the
back seat as he drove toward downtown Miami. The two officers
shared a giggle as they overheard the frightened whispering from
the backseat of the car.
    A few minutes later, they sat at a red light
with the station in view. Williams took a deep breath and glanced
at Ryan. "Shit. We're off in five minutes."
    "I don't feel like doing all this paperwork, do
you?"
    The boys shared a tentative grin.
    Williams said, "Not to mention the body cavity
searches and all that."
    Dale and Jeff shared a horrified look.
    Williams and Ryan turned to the back seat.
Williams began, "If we let you go with a warning, do you promise
never to pull this kind of crap again?"
    "Oh, God, yes! We promise," Jeff said as both
nodded furiously.
    Ryan asked, "Where can we drop you?"
     
     
    In front of the fraternity house, the officers
helped the two still-terrified college athletes out of the car and
removed the handcuffs.
    Jeff said, "Thank you, officers."
    The officers nodded before climbing in the car.
Williams rolled down his window and called out, "Never mess with
Victoria." As Dale and Jeff looked at him, confused, Williams
added, "Oh, and for God's sake, wash your hands after you take a
piss. What are you, animals?"
    Williams sped off, leaving the two drunken
idiots staring at each other in utter bewilderment.
     
     
    Victoria and Lisa sat in the car outside Lisa's
townhouse and were struggling to contain their laughter. Suddenly
Lisa stopped giggling, put her hand on Victoria's arm, and put on a
serious expression. "Gee, thanks for ruining my night."
    "Oh, I'm sorry honey... I know you had—"
    "I'm kidding. I really didn't want my first
sexual experience to be with a drunk asshole lacrosse player who is
apparently battling a significant shrinkage problem."
    After sharing another chuckle, Victoria said,
"He was cute, though. It's a shame he's such a jerk."
    "I know."
    Victoria turned to face Lisa and looked her in
the eye. "You know... You're right. Your first time should really
be special. Let's not just find some hard-on with a random idiot
attached to it."
    Lisa returned a hopeful nod. "What was your
first time like?"
    Victoria paused. "Oh, it was so... I
mean..."
    "Tell me. It was probably amazing, right?"
    Shaking her head while wearing an uneasy smile,
Victoria began, "It was prom night, and after the dance my
boyfriend booked a room in a hotel. A beautiful room... there were
rose petals, uh, scattered all over the floor and..." Lisa narrowed
her eyes as Victoria continued, "...oh, and he picked me up to
carry me to the bed, where there were also rose petals and—"
    "Was his name Billy Clinton, or was it Georgie
Bush?"
    After studying Lisa's skeptical expression,
Victoria lifted her palms