Read Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved for Free Online

his seat, resigned. “Good to see you too, Josh. Uh, you’ve lost some weight.” He decided to take the bull by the horns and not dilly-dally any longer. Besides, it wasn’t his style. There was no need to drag it out, to have drinks first, the house salad, and cut into juicy steaks with blue cheese crumbles, while laughing about old times, and ignore the skinny, emaciated elephant in the room.
    “Yeah, uh,” Josh looked down, rubbing long, thin fingers across the maroon leather-bound menu, “I’ve wanted to speak to you about that...”
    “We talk every week on the phone.. .every week,” Dane said in almost a whisper. He attempted to dismiss the bubble of anger growing inside the pit of his stomach, seeping into his tone, the one that clawed at his throat—the one that threatened to scream, Why in the hell didn’t you tell me anything a long time ago?!
    He hadn’t laid eyes on Josh in over six months, and at that time, the man was still strapping—a perfect, walking and talking bill of health. Typically, they’d see each other every three to four months, one of them would fly to meet the other, but Josh’s schedule had been hectic as of late, or Dane would have a conflict in the timetable as well. Now, he looked at him and simply wondered where the truth began and the cover-up ended. He felt deceived. Turning away from that dismal sight, he tried not to judge the man before he even had a chance to talk.
    “I...I know, Dane. That’s why I’m here actually—to speak to you about what has been going on.”
    “So, there is no business trip? You aren’t here on business?” Dane asked, taking a sip of his iced water. Most of the ice in his glass had melted, and he felt suddenly parched, dry, as if someone had poured flour on his tongue, thick and heavy, that would turn anything he could possibly say at that moment into gelatinous gravy.
    “Well.” Josh clasped his hands together nervously and shifted his body on the bar seat. “Yes, I had some business to take care of, but it could’ve waited. I escalated the visit.”
    Escalated. Like this is dire. Oh, dear God...
    A waiter with choppy blond hair and a pierced eyebrow came up to the table, speaking with a pronounced lisp.
    “...Broccoli and cheese and potato and bacon...and then there is the clam chowder made fresh daily...”
    Outside the window, the rain fell hard like bullets onto the street. Cars and passersby moved in a blur to and fro—a symphony of activity carefully orchestrated around the rain. Yes, the rain, like tears from the heavens, tears of a God who is crying for His children…. Someone paid a meter while holding a teetering dark umbrella with the word ‘Paris’ printed on it in bold, elegant calligraphy, while another person screamed ‘Shit!’ as the relentless shower drenched the poor guy from head to toe.
    “Dane?” Josh called out, tearing him away from his wayward thoughts. “Are you ready to order?” The waiter and his thin friend were looking at him, waiting.
    “Uh, yeah, I’ll just have the Chicken Caesar salad, please.” He handed his menu to the man and looked back at Josh who was now rubbing the back of his nape and staring contemplatively into space.
    “Just tell me, Josh,” he said. The words tumbled out, unbidden, and he waited for acknowledgement.
    “Okay. Here it is.” Josh sighed as he planted his hands on the table. “I have cancer, lung cancer.”
    Dane looked at him for a moment while his legs got heavy, as if they’d been dipped in cement in preparation for him to be thrown off a plank, into icy Michigan river waters. His heart cracked, then he tried to summon all his strength just so he could get through the darn conversation. He felt light headed, as if he may pass out right then and there, but he needed to keep his cool, not fall apart. He’d heard of people getting sick from cancer all the time, and even visited them and prayed over their beds, as well as gave them and their families words of