thankfully, she only targets me for these comments, as she knows it would devastate her father to hear his much-adored daughter going on about the lack of family capital. But she also chooses me to vent her frustration to about most things to do with her life â especially the fact that she wasnât born into a family of Wall Street big shots. For Sally there are always points of comparison. Bradâs father made a lot of money opening a small chain of big box hardware stores around the state â but still decided to send his very ambitious youngest son to the local public school (I like that fact). Bradâs parents live in a big waterfront house with all sorts of deluxe fittings (a sauna, a jacuzzi, an indoor gym, an outdoor pool, plasma televisions in every room). They now also have a home in âan exclusive gated developmentâ (Sallyâs exact words) near Tampa. She spent a week with Brad down at their Florida spread, and went out with Brad and his father on the family cabin cruiser. And Brad already has his very own âcoolâ car: a Mini Cooper. And . . .
I truly love my daughter. I admire her optimism, her verve, her forward momentum. But I also wonder often what sheâs driving towards.
âI know Bradâs going to drop me as soon as we graduate next summer and we both head to college. Because he thinks of me as his high-school fun, nothing more. And heâs after somebody who can be a future senatorâs wife.â
âIs that what you want to be â a senatorâs wife?â
âDo I hear disappointment in your voice, Mom?â
âYou never disappoint me, Sally.â
âI wish I could believe that.â
âI donât want you to be anything you donât want to be.â
âBut you donât like the fact that I want to marry a man like Brad.â
As opposed to specifically marrying Brad?
Was that the underlying theme here â marrying a guy with money who has firmly planted himself on the career escalator marked âUpâ?
âEveryone has their own agenda, their own aspirations,â I said.
âAnd there you go again, putting me down.â
âHow is what I said putting you down?â
âBecause my aspirations strike you as small. Because I am not going to do anything fantastic with my life . . .â
âYou have many gifts, Sally.â
âYou consider me shallow and vacuous and someone who, unlike you, never picks up a book.â
âYou know that I think the world of you.â
âBen is your favorite.â
âI consider you and Ben equally wonderful. And the thing is, you honestly have no idea what your life is going to turn out to be. Or where it will land you. Even when you think: âSo this is what my life is now,â well, things can change in an instant or two.â
âYou think that because you look at other peopleâs tumors all day.â
Ouch
. I smiled tightly.
âWell . . . it does give me an interesting perspective on things.â
âI donât want to be a slave to routine.â
âThen donât be somebodyâs wife.â
There. I said it. Sally flinched, then shot back with:
âYouâre somebodyâs wife.â
âYes, I am. Butââ
âYou donât have to complete the sentence, Mom. And I know if I were a really creative type like Ben . . .â
There are certain arguments with children that you simply cannot win.
âThereâs a sister, isnât there?â
âThatâs right, Sally.â
âAnd they are rather different, arenât they?â
I was snapped back into the here-and-now of Dr Allenâs office.
âSally is a rather different person to Ben,â I said, hopefully sounding neutral.
âBen intimated that to me. Just as he intimated he feels closer to you than to his father.â
âDan stills loves Ben.â
Dr Allen looked at