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thankfully, she only targets me for these comments, as she knows it would devastate her father to hear his much-adored daughter going on about the lack of family capital. But she also chooses me to vent her frustration to about most things to do with her life – especially the fact that she wasn’t born into a family of Wall Street big shots. For Sally there are always points of comparison. Brad’s father made a lot of money opening a small chain of big box hardware stores around the state – but still decided to send his very ambitious youngest son to the local public school (I like that fact). Brad’s parents live in a big waterfront house with all sorts of deluxe fittings (a sauna, a jacuzzi, an indoor gym, an outdoor pool, plasma televisions in every room). They now also have a home in ‘an exclusive gated development’ (Sally’s exact words) near Tampa. She spent a week with Brad down at their Florida spread, and went out with Brad and his father on the family cabin cruiser. And Brad already has his very own ‘cool’ car: a Mini Cooper. And . . .
    I truly love my daughter. I admire her optimism, her verve, her forward momentum. But I also wonder often what she’s driving towards.
    â€˜I know Brad’s going to drop me as soon as we graduate next summer and we both head to college. Because he thinks of me as his high-school fun, nothing more. And he’s after somebody who can be a future senator’s wife.’
    â€˜Is that what you want to be – a senator’s wife?’
    â€˜Do I hear disappointment in your voice, Mom?’
    â€˜You never disappoint me, Sally.’
    â€˜I wish I could believe that.’
    â€˜I don’t want you to be anything you don’t want to be.’
    â€˜But you don’t like the fact that I want to marry a man like Brad.’
    As opposed to specifically marrying Brad?
Was that the underlying theme here – marrying a guy with money who has firmly planted himself on the career escalator marked ‘Up’?
    â€˜Everyone has their own agenda, their own aspirations,’ I said.
    â€˜And there you go again, putting me down.’
    â€˜How is what I said putting you down?’
    â€˜Because my aspirations strike you as small. Because I am not going to do anything fantastic with my life . . .’
    â€˜You have many gifts, Sally.’
    â€˜You consider me shallow and vacuous and someone who, unlike you, never picks up a book.’
    â€˜You know that I think the world of you.’
    â€˜Ben is your favorite.’
    â€˜I consider you and Ben equally wonderful. And the thing is, you honestly have no idea what your life is going to turn out to be. Or where it will land you. Even when you think: “So this is what my life is now,” well, things can change in an instant or two.’
    â€˜You think that because you look at other people’s tumors all day.’
    Ouch
. I smiled tightly.
    â€˜Well . . . it does give me an interesting perspective on things.’
    â€˜I don’t want to be a slave to routine.’
    â€˜Then don’t be somebody’s wife.’
    There. I said it. Sally flinched, then shot back with:
    â€˜You’re somebody’s wife.’
    â€˜Yes, I am. But—’
    â€˜You don’t have to complete the sentence, Mom. And I know if I were a really creative type like Ben . . .’
    There are certain arguments with children that you simply cannot win.
    â€˜There’s a sister, isn’t there?’
    â€˜That’s right, Sally.’
    â€˜And they are rather different, aren’t they?’
    I was snapped back into the here-and-now of Dr Allen’s office.
    â€˜Sally is a rather different person to Ben,’ I said, hopefully sounding neutral.
    â€˜Ben intimated that to me. Just as he intimated he feels closer to you than to his father.’
    â€˜Dan stills loves Ben.’
    Dr Allen looked at