Read Falling in Love for Free Online

with only a dim side lamp near the bed. Several jackets were piled on the bed. We pushed some jackets to the side and sat on others. Although we were supposedly there to talk, neither one of us said a word. Within minutes, we were having sex. I tried to imagine making love to Paul but I was too disgusted with myself. Instead, I just wanted it over so I could rush out of there.
    Unfortunately, he was over before I was. He rolled over on the bed, grasping for breath. “That was unbelievable.”
    I was angry that I still hadn’t finished. I propped up on an elbow and said, “Let’s do it again.”
    “What?” He looked at me. “Give me a break.”
    I put my hand between his legs. “Come on,” I said, “You can do it.”
    “Christ. We just did it.”
    There was a soft knock on the door and a thin, young man wearing glasses cracked it open, holding his hand over his eyes. “Sorry, but I think I left my jacket in here. I won’t look.”
    I knew I should have been grabbing my clothes but instead I just lay there, mortified. This guy came in with his eyes shut, groping around the bed for his jacket. Scott jumped up and pulled on his pants. The guy finally grabbed his jacket as Scott grabbed his arm. “Hey, Bri. Wait a minute. This is Sherry.” Scott turned to me. “Sherry. This is Brian.”
    He turned Brian around toward me. “Say hello, Brian.”
    Scott then slipped out the door as Brian opened his eyes to see me. I couldn’t believe that I was just lying there naked for this guy to stare at me but I thought what could be more humiliating than what I’d already done.
    He never said a word but my voice said, “Come here.” He sat down next to me. He seemed to also have mixed emotions about this, and I thought we would be there all night if I left it up to him. I put his hand on my breast and my hand on his crotch. He seemed almost frightened but probably felt that if he didn’t do something, they would accuse him of being gay. Or may he just rightfully despised me. But soon, I had his clothes off and there I was having sex again.
    After a little while, a fist slammed on the door and someone demanded, “Hey, Ross. Hurry up. I’m next, Goddamn it.” It was that guy, Tex, who had been on the front porch. Brian immediately stopped and put on his clothes.
    He walked out without a word and in came Tex and with a big wicked smile, he said, “The best is yet to come.”
    This began a long, horribly humiliating procession of guys, so many that I couldn’t count them. After each one I wanted to get up and dive out the window, hoping I would break my neck. But instead, I stayed. I wanted this night to be beyond horrible, to somehow convince me to never to do this again. I didn’t want to get hurt because if Paul saw bruises, he would ask questions that I couldn’t answer. But I did want it to be bad.
    I told myself it was like a book I had read once about quitting smoking, to smoke pack after pack of cigarettes, all at once and to just keep smoking them until they made you sick and you never wanted to see another cigarette as long as you lived. That was what I wanted to do that night and that was what I got, sick of the world and the guys in it and mostly sick of myself.
    It was almost dawn when the last one finished and I managed to find most of my clothes and stumble downstairs and out to my car. I drove away quickly but at the first stop sign, I stopped and started crying uncontrollably, hating myself, wanting to ram into the nearest tree.
    Instead, I drove back to Arlene’s house as quickly as I could. Gratefully, she wasn’t up yet. I didn’t bother to even try to sleep. My whole body ached, every bone, every muscle. I got into the shower and futilely tried to wash the pain and shame and anguish down the drain.
     
    After brushing my teeth for about fifteen minutes, I finally managed to put on some clothes and tried to make myself look presentable. When I got downstairs, Arlene again didn’t say a word to me,