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that truly understand how the female body works. We might have several of our group that get the mechanical specifics. Very few of our kind truly understand the overall functioning physics of putting all the pieces together to a female-satisfying conclusion.
    I dutifully went home, read my assigned chapters in my health book, and came to class not knowing what the hell was happening. Completely mystified by the entire make-up and functionality of my sexual counterpart, I was prepared to ask specific questions. I would not go through life unsure of the instrumental aspect of the opposite sex.
    Mrs. Johnson started her speech. She explained body parts, and how things worked both separately and together. She dutifully explained the interactions of how an erection occurred and where the penis would be placed in the process of intercourse. Intercourse naturally was for the purpose of procreating, but it could be a source of pleasure, as well.
    The tricky part for me was the process of ejaculation, penis penetration, orgasms for woman, and how all of this occurred without accidentally getting urinated on. I continued to ask the question how could there not be inadvertent urination, while in the process of intercourse, since the parts were used for both purposes. This had the effect of annoying my teacher to no end up to the point where I heard her talking to another teacher. She stated the class overall went very well, and she was really only disappointed in one student.
    I took the honors for disappointing, but it would be several years later before I truly understood the concept of how things worked. I say that from a man’s point of view, as again I don’t think any male truly understands the inner workings of the female anatomy. Who the hell knows what’s up down there?
     

 
     
     
The Plan
     
    The most meaningful event that happened on my five-day stay in Meredith, N.H., was my experience with Match.com. A co-worker had told me about the Web site, and I had decided to sign up. One evening I went through the procedure. If you have not done it, I would highly suggest it even for those of you who are married. It is self-reflective to put down on paper who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, what you enjoy doing/not doing, etc. You also analyze who you are interested in and then list the same qualities in a future partner that you want to find. It is a meaningful and interesting process for all of us desperate, lonely, losers in life.
    My current motives were somewhat different. I was familiar with Craigslist (thanks to my brother-in-law) that offered the opportunity to pick your partner for an hour (if you were willing to pay). Match.com was not dissimilar. For both sites, the seller lists out their positive attributes, places pictures to entice you, and then you pick who you are interested in. One site just gives you a sure thing, while the other site (assuming you pay for dinner, etc.) costs about the same. The glaring difference is you most likely will go home unsatisfied that evening. It is really a choice between short and long term. Craigslist, being short term, guaranteed, immediate gratification and Match.com, being long term, not guaranteed somebody “special.” Both sites are really nothing more than a conduit, allowing us to prostitute ourselves for a chance at happiness.
    My goal was simply to look for a likely candidate to meet, torture, and then murder in a slow deliberate way. This might sound sadistic to say out loud, but it is truthful, nonetheless. I debated about which site would be better, as I was familiar with both. Craigslist might seem like the site of choice; but after thinking about it carefully, I realized the women on this site were much more street savvy. Although they tend to be young, they are also connected to people you do not want to piss off. My site winner was Match.com. Having chosen my venue, I would now enlist the time to find a good candidate.
    I could not stop dreaming and