look. âWhat?â
âNothing,â she said. âItâs all right. I understand.â
âI thought you would.â He nodded. âYouâre doing well. Better than Iâd expected considering the state you were in when you got here and your lack of any kind of training.â
âBetter than Holly and Larkin expected, I guess,â she said.
He sighed and pushed his dark hair out of his face. âHolly and Larkin can be difficult, but theyâre good fighters, and we need them. Itâs better to just ignore some of their . . . quirks.â
Is that what they are, Lanadel thought sourly. Where she was from, treating other people like garbage was more than just a âquirk.â It was a crappy thing to do. But Nox was right. If sheâd just met the entire Orderâwell, it was hardly an intimidating army, even if Mombi, Gert, and Glamora were witches and Melindra was the best fighter in Oz. It was hard to imagine the ragtag bunch defeating Dorothyâs forces and restoring peaceto Oz. But as far as she knew, the Order was the only game in townâand going up against Dorothy alone would be suicide.
Training with the Order was the only chance she had to avenge her family. She didnât care if she died trying, but the more fighters she had at her back, the further she would get. Besides, she wasnât here to make friends. She was here to learn how to become a killing machine, and Nox and Melindra were the only people sheâd met who seemed like they could teach her. Sheâd seen way worse than anything Holly and Larkin could do, she reminded herself. They were just minor distractions.
âWhat are you doing here?â she asked suddenly. âLeading the Order, I mean.â
He smiled. âIâm hardly the leader,â he said. âI leave that up to Gert and Mombi.â
âBut youâre basically in charge of the trainees.â
He shrugged. âI know how to fight.â
âMelindra does, too.â
âMelindraâs our best,â he agreed. His expression was neutral. As usual, it was impossible to tell what he was really thinking. âBut sheâs impulsive. Gert and Mombi needed someone with more control to train new members.â Impulsive? Was he talking badly about his girlfriend? Was Melindra his girlfriend? And why did she even care? Itâs none of your business, she told herself.
âIs that why you donât have emotions?â
He looked surprised and then he laughed. âI have emotions,â he said. It was the most honest, unguarded thing sheâd ever heard him say. As if lurking under his harsh, controlled exteriorwas a completely different person. Someone who knew how to smile, and laugh, and think about things other than fighting and death. Was that the person Melindra got to see all the time? Or was he this difficult with her, too?
âNot any that you show.â
âIâve been fighting for a long time,â he said, his face closing down again. âAnd Oz teaches you that nothing is ever what it seems. Itâs not a good idea to show people your true self or relax your guard.â
âEven here?â
âEspecially here.â He was suddenly distant again. Now she really wanted to know what he was talking about. Did he mean he didnât trust Melindra? Did he mean she shouldnât trust Melindra? Was he just jealous of anyone else building up a relationship with Melindra?
Out of all the Order, Melindra seemed the most untouched by all the horror of Oz. Somehow she had remained honest and open, while the rest of them toted around their scars. She wanted to ask Nox about her. If he was in love with her. If he was capable of being in love with anyone. But any chance sheâd had of getting through his defenses to catch a glimpse of the real Nox was gone. âYou should get some rest,â he added. âReal training starts tomorrow. You need to be