Read Doctor Whom or ET Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Parodication for Free Online

stop.’
    I hazarded a look around the side of the ice ridge behind which we were hiding. The Cydermen were continuing their implacable slow advance, their silver limbs moving with weird machinic co-ordination.
    ‘Do you see their heads?’ the Dr asked.
    ‘Yes.’ Their crania looked like hard, shiny jar-shaped containers.
    ‘ Slopping with Cyder,’ said the Dr.
    ‘Cyder?’
    ‘The cybernetically enhanced conducting fluid that is the medium of their intelligence. You see, the Cydermen used to be men and women, like you and me. Well, like you, at any rate. But one day, they realised that the jelly-like substance that constitutes naturally occurring organic brains was an inefficient conducting medium for intelligence. The neurones are fixed, trapped in static relation to one another. So the reinvented themselves; reconfigured their brains as a true fluid , in which every neurone could connect with every other one as they swirled and swished about - that enables a huge number of possible connections, many more than can ever be the case in the normal, solid brain tissue. The entire race abandoned their grey-matter brains and uploaded their intellect into the fluid of their jars - a special blend of electrolyte enhancer and accelerant, alcohol-derivative, and an organic-based nutrient solution, derived from some fruit or other I think.’
    ‘It’s . . . it’s incredible,’ I gasped.
    ‘I . . . I know,’ said the Dr. ‘With the advantage of their new thought-medium their IQs increased a hundred fold overnight. It drove them mad . . . for what creature could acquire godlike intellectual and processing powers in an instant and not become insane? But their insanity was of a cold, calculating, machinic sort. They reinvented their bodies to be immune to almost all attack, encasing their delicate inner organs in a shell of hard silver. And then, with their invulnerable bodies and their vastly superior medium for thought, these half-human, half-scrumpy creatures began to spread through the galaxy, ruthlessly imposing their caravan-based habitation upon hapless worlds; scooping up whole armies in their monstrous Combine War-Harvesters. The Cydermen!’
    ‘Never mind the history lesson,’ urged Linn. ‘What are we going to do ?’
    ‘A good question?’
    ‘And the answer?’
    ‘A good answer,’ replied the Dr. ‘That would be best.’
    ‘And what is the good answer?’ Linn pressed. ‘In this circumstance?’
    ‘I don’t know.’
    There was another explosion, much closer, and a rain of slush and small pieces of ice rained down upon us. ‘But we’d better think of it soon, or we’ll be goners. The Cydermen take no prisoners.’
    ‘Think of something, somebody!’ I cried. ‘Can’t you - I don’t know - remote-control the TARDY to materialise here, so that we can escape?’
    ‘Nope,’ said the Dr. ‘Can’t do that.’
    We were silent for a bit.
    ‘They do seem,’ Linn observed, ‘to be firing fairly randomly. If they coordinated their fire they could have killed us by now.’
    ‘The cold may be affecting their processing power,’ said the Dr. ‘Computers. They don’t like the cold.’
    ‘They’re still coming, though,’ I pointed out. ‘They’ll be on us in a moment.’ I
    Suddenly the gunfire, explosions and the sound of metallic limbs marching on ice ceased. There was complete silence. A man’s voice called across the chamber. ‘Doctor?’
    ‘I know that voice,’ said the Dr. ‘But it can’t be!’
    ‘Doctor! Show yourself! Or I shall have to ask my friends here to eliminate you.’
    ‘It is my nemesis, my adversary!’ gasped the Dr. ‘The Master Debater!’
    This was the first that I had heard of this mysterious and villainous figure; but it was not going to be the last.
    ‘Stand up Doctor,’ he boomed. ‘And your two companions. ’
    ‘We’ve no choice,’ said the Dr. ‘We’d better do what he says.’
    We stood up.
    Standing in the midst of the mass of Cydermen was a tall