Read Doctor Whom or ET Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Parodication for Free Online Page B

sound of small cannon fire: smoke and ice engulfed us. Shards and chunks of ice flew through the air.
    ‘We’re doomed,’ said the Dr.
    ‘We may indeed be,’ said Linn. ‘Can’t either of you think of anything ?’
    There was an especially loud explosion, and larger pieces of ice scattered and rolled. ‘Quick,’ said the Dr. ‘I think they’ve just blown a hole in the wall behind us . . . through it! Quick! Whilst the smoke still covers our retreat!’
    We ran as fast as we could, and stumbled through a ragged gap in the ice-wall and into the corridor beyond. Blocks and chunks of ice littered the floor, like scatter-cushions, although markedly less downy or soft. ‘Along here!’ cried the Dr, running left.
    As we sprinted away we heard the voice of the Master Debater behind us: ‘but there’s nowhere to run to , Doctor! We’ll catch up with you eventually!’
     
The corridor led to steps, which brought us to an upper deck. The bodies of British soldiers lay sprawled and scattered all about. ‘Back to the TARDY,’ I urged. ‘Let’s get away!’
    ‘It’s not as simple as that,’ said the Dr. ‘If we leave this ice ship floating with its complement of deadly Cydermen, they almost certainly will indeed over-run the Earth. They’re immune to all the weaponry that these humans can muster. It’d be no contest. And an Earth conquered by the Cydermen . . . that’d be disastrous. That would completely mess up millions of lives.’
    ‘Surely, and without wishing to sound callous,’ I said, panting a little as we ran, ‘that’s their problem, not ours?’
    ‘It’ll alter the timelines. The Cydermen aren’t supposed to conquer the Earth in the twentieth-century. Not until the beginning of the twenty-first.’
    ‘So some time lines get a little kinked . . .’ I said.
    ‘It’d mean you’ll both cease to exist, for instance,’ the Dr said. ‘Both of you. You see, you were both born on Earth after this event.’
    ‘We really must defeat these Cydermen,’ I said. ‘We can’t leave Earth to its terrible fate.’
    We reached the bridge.
    It had obviously seen some fighting since we had last been there: the teak was scorched, and water pooled on the icy floor. The Commodore and his helmsman were both lying face down.
    ‘Poor souls!’ cried the Dr. ‘ Mortem , and without leaving their posts.’
    ‘Unless you want to join them,’ said Linn. ‘We’d better think quick.’
    Behind us we could hear the war-chant of the Cyderman, getting implacably and horribly closer. Ooo Aur. Ooo Aur. OOO AUR.
    ‘There!’ said the Dr triumphantly, pointing through the navigation slit at the front of the bridge. ‘You see that ship?’
    It was the profile of a mighty liner, visible against the black sky by virtue of its glittery banks of illuminated portholes, and its gaily lit upper decks. Its four fat funnels blocked out the starlight, passing bales of smoke up into the cold night air.
    ‘We’ll contact them,’ the Dr said. ‘Recruit them . . . as reinforcements.’
    ‘Recruit them how ?’ I boggled.
    ‘Tell them the truth! They can send people aboard this craft. It looks like an affluent ship: they’ll surely have gold. That’s what we need to defeat the Cydermen - gold.’
    ‘So,’ I summarised. ‘You’re suggesting we radio a strange ship, tell them that we’re the only survivors aboard a secret Naval experiment that nobody has ever heard of, and that they must come aboard with all their gold to help us fight a race of implacable cyborg creatures who otherwise will conquer the Earth?’
    ‘Yes!’
    ‘There’s the chance,’ I said, ‘—and I appreciate that it’s only a chance - that they might not believe us.’
    ‘The future of the whole world is at stake! They must help!’
    ‘The radio,’ said Linn, ‘is broken, I’m afraid.’
    The Dr and I looked at the radio. It was a charred mass of twisted metal and burnt wood.
    ‘There’s nothing for it,’ cried the Dr, grabbing the