Read Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 for Free Online

clothes in the car that he’s outgrown - please don’t be offended but he’s quite a bit bigger than Max and there’s some nice stuff there.  Would you like it or am I being terribly rude?”
     
    Had to laugh.  I’m not that proud that I’d reject a shed load of designer clothes!  I’ve just sorted through the bag and there’s loads of ‘Osh Gosh’, ‘Prada’ and ‘Calvin Klein’.  My son will be the trendiest Second Hand Rose in town.
     
    She also said she had some barely worn track suit bottoms for Mrs Sengupta.  “My arse only has to sniff a Belgian truffle at the moment, and the scales go in to meltdown.  Lycra and velour must be kept well away from my buttocks for a while but I’m sure they’ll be great on Mrs Sengupta’s little bootie.”
     
    She then added with a throaty laugh, “That gorgeous son of hers still got the hots for you?  What a fantastic way to keep a husband on his toes - ‘Delhi Desire On Tap!’”
     
    Must remember to give her a thank you gift/hush money.  Ned’s easy-going but there’s only so far you can push a man’s tolerance.
     
    PM
     
    “With any luck Todd will keep growing out of non-patched school uniform too”, Ned joked over a glass of wine in the garden, “We may never need to cough up again.  Here’s to wealthy friends with bigger kids than ours.” And he raised his glass contentedly.
     
    Doesn’t take much to please us these days!
     
    Saturday 31st May
     
    Think summer may be starting early.  Temperatures in the high 70’s and London doesn’t know what’s hit it.  Flesh is being exposed and it’s quite clear which bodies haven’t seen the sun for nearly a year, mine included.
     
    Had to shave my legs with Ned’s blunt razor this morning so they’re a bit scraped and nicked.  No salon treatments for my excess hair.  Slapped on a bit of instant tan and decided I could just about get away with last year’s linen shorts and a strappy top.
     
    Ned said I looked fresh and youthful and suggested we invited F&J round for an impromptu barbecue.
     
    “I’ll cook, of course,” he added.
     
    Why is it men always think that chucking a few steaks, sausages and burgers on a bbq constitutes as cooking?  Who does all the preparing, marinating, salads/dressings and other incidentals?  And runs around like a blue-arsed fly while he lounges at the coals, chatting to his buddies, swigging a beer and turning the meat occasionally.  But of course, it’s’ an ‘exacting science of rotation’ and ‘not one to be left to the hands of a fair maiden’.  Oh no Missus, we’ll leave the washing up for those.
     
    Decided it would be a good idea and thought it would be fun to put out the paddling pool for the kids.  Ned even said he’d nip to Waitrose for the bits and take Max with him - a Boy’s Own Adventure.  Took full advantage of the time and surfed the web for some of MG’s salad dressings. Much nicer than shop-bought.
     
    Soon found I didn’t have most of the ingredients (how big is her emergency pantry?)  Quickly texted Ned for an assortment of Waitrose’s finest.  Who can tell the difference if it’s in a fancy jug? 
     
    Had just finished preparing the salad when Fenella, Josh and the kids arrived.
     
    “Sorry, I look so deathly, Sweedie,” Fenella announced, “But I’ve come straight from a spray tan and I’m still in development.  Probably look like Al Jolson in a few hours!  And the smell is rank, so don’t sit next to me when you’re eating.  You’re looking very tanned.  What’s your secret?”
     
    Both had a little giggle when I revealed mine was a ‘BOGOF’ from Superdrug which cost just under 4 quid for two bottles and works instantly, while hers set her back the best part of 50 and she stinks while she waits for the results!
     
    “Please Libby.  Teach my wife your tricks of the trade before she ruins me!”  Josh begged as he made up a jug of Buck’s Fizz with the goodies they’d brought.