Read Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 for Free Online Page B

fine mess I got you out of.
     
    Monday 2 nd June  AM
     
    Only a month left until Max leaves nursery.  Got a bit teary thinking about it.  He’s growing up so fast.
     
    Was cheered by a message from Fenella saying she wants to host a murder mystery night for six people and would Ned and I like to take part.  She then laughingly added that all of her friends were too “sodding boring to even entertain the idea” so would I be able to provide the third couple for the roles of ‘Madame Sinful’ (Edwardian brothel owner) and ‘Rock Hard’ (pimp and partaker of fleshly delights).
     
    Could only really think of Nic & Rick so gave them a quick call - although the roles outlined may be slightly beyond their terms of reference.
     
    “Oh, I don’t know Libs,” Nic pondered.  “Drag’s not really my thing.  Although I do quite like the idea of seeing Rick as ‘Rock Hard.’  OK, Sweets, for you I’ll do it.  Saturday week you say?  Should just about give me enough time to sort out the cozzies.  Ciao!”
     
    Should have realised, Nic never turns the chance for ‘dress up’ down.
     
    Called Fenella back and she delightedly informed me that we’d both be playing the parts of tarts with hearts and Josh and Ned were both punters.  “Should be a hoot, Lib.  I’ve always fancied doing one and I can’t wait to meet your gay friends.  Anyway must dash, I’ve got to be in Knightsbridge by noon to get the dreaded roots done.  Talk later, Sweedie.”
     
    Stuck a load of washing on and looked at ‘ TO DO ’ list.
     
    Added:
     
    Sort costumes for MM night - what on earth does an Edwardian whore and punter wear?  Not sure our wardrobes will accommodate .
     
    Scour charity shops and get ideas on the web.
     
    Make hair appointment for Saturday week. Combine having colour done with suitable Edwardian slapper style - thereby saving time and money.  That’s how I’ll sell it to Ned anyhow.
     
    Try to lose a couple of pounds so I’m not ‘Bulging Whore’.
     
     
    PM
     
    Ned quite excited by the prospect of Murder Mystery - either that or the thought of Fenella and me dressed as tarts for the evening.  He blanched a little when I told him Nic was playing Madame Sinful, though.  Almost put him off his ‘Naughty Nibbles’ à la MG.
     
    He spent a lot of the evening trying to get into character but I thought it was a bit much when he snuggled up to me in bed later and asked, “How much?”
     
    For his sheer audacity, I treated him to a freebie.
     
    Tuesday 3 rd June AM
     
    Booked hair appointment after timely marital negotiations last night.  Panicked slightly when they said it would be 75 quid but it’s not as if I go every six weeks - more like six months - so surely Ned won’t begrudge me, especially after the extras I threw in with his gratis bonk.  If I leave them any longer my russet curls will be a frizzball beyond any manageable control.  Must remember to condition regularly once I’m coiffed and get out of the habit of a quick dollop of Max’s baby shampoo.
     
    Found great basque in a charity shop - red satin and almost my size.  No more MG treats for me and, with the help of a good strapless bra, the puppies should just about stay put.  Thought I could wear it with a bustle type skirt and my lace up ‘witchy boots’.  Not quite sure how to achieve the bustle effect but, on a bad day, my bum can just about do it without any help.  Think all of that, teamed with a boa and my long satin gloves, should create the right impression.  Whoring - I was clearly made for it.
     
    Also found a dapper waistcoat and cravat for Ned - think he’ll look quite debonair and I may need to proposition him - who knows, our newly discovered foray into role playing might start to incorporate props …
     
    Called Nic to see if he’d given any thought to their costumes.  Silly me!  I should have known better. It was all going along with military precision and no detail would be left to