she told my AM or even the Doctor. Somehow. I never thought of her as leaving our home. Of course. I knew she and her older sister Marisa had left their family behind in Brazil. Two years before. Marisa had returned to Brazil. I suspected from reading between the lines that the Doctor had prevented Amou from going by raising her salary significantly and by paying far her vacation trip to Rio. I didn't really understand why he was so determined to keep her in our family. I assumed it was because of the many things she was still doing far my AM.
I was at my desk, doing my homework, when she came to my room. Even though I could sense when she was near. I suspected she had been standing in my doorway watching me for a good half minute or so before bringing herself to my attention.
"What, Amou?" I asked, smiling at her, "I am always surprised at how grown-up you have become," she said. "how beautiful you are.
Muito lindo."
My face flushed crimson and I laughed. Once. when I was about fourteen. my AM had
come into my room, stood there looking at me, shaking her head, and then said. "Your real mother must have been a chunky woman with a double chin. Probably with oversized, sagging breasts and a waist you could tie an ocean liner to when it was in port. She was probably short and squatty with ballooned cheeks and tiny eyes. Medicine, especially the medicine they give mentally ill people, can do that to a person, you know, and then their offspring inherit it."
I had run to Amou immediately after and told her, Now I reminded her of that.
"Remember? She said I would be forever bloatfaced."
Amou waved at the air as if she were waving away annoying flies and came into my room. For a moment she just stood there, looking at everything, just the way someone would who wanted to commit it all to memory forever. It started a small alarm in my heart that confused me.
"What's wrong. Amou?" I asked.
She smiled and sat on my bed. I turned my chair around.
"My sister is a lonely woman now that both our parents are gone." she began. "and there is something in my heart that cries not only for her, but for my youth. It is time for me to go home, Amou Una ."
"Go home?"
In my mind, this had always been Amou's home, How could she think of anywhere else as her home?
"Back to my roots, my people, my uncles and aunts and cousins. I have so many nieces and nephews. I can't remember all their names." she added.
"Oh," I said. It was like all my insides were crumbling.
"You must not be upset. Willow. You really are a grown woman now. You do not need someone like me trailing after you all the time. Soon, you will be serious with some young man. I'm sure, and you would forget me. anyway."
"I could never forget you. Amou. Don't say such a terrible thing!" I cried.
She laughed. "When a girl becomes a woman, she forgets a lot more than she ever thought she would, but that's not something bad. It is what should be. It's only natural. Do not be upset at yourself for that," she insisted,
"When are you going?"
"In a week, Dr. De Beers doesn't know exactly, but he has been anticipating it for some time. I'm sure," she said. "Of course, I will miss him very much. too."
I could feel the tears flawing over my lids and starting down my cheeks.
"I'll never see you again," I moaned.
"Of course you will see me again. I will come back often, and maybe someday, when you are able. you will travel to Brazil and I will be able to show you my beautiful county."
My throat closed. I turned away,
"I'll hate living here without you," I threatened, "I'll run away." I turned back to her.
"Maybe I'll run away to Brazil."
"The Doctor would be very upset, Willow. You don't want to hurt him so much, do you?"
"He's never here. He hardly sees me these days. I almost agree with my AM about it." I said, dabbing my eyes with a tissue, "He's married to the clinic. It's his whole life."
"No," she insisted. You are his whole life." "Oh, sure," I said.
"Maybe no one should be anyone's whole life."