talking about you.'
'I wanted to. I felt like I should, you know?'
He exhaled smoke and nodded thoughtfully, staring off into space, considering something. I let the silence pan out. When he was done with the cigarette he put it under his shoe rather than in the bin.
'What you got planned after this?' he said.
'After this?'
'Yeah, yeah. You got some free time?'
I opened my mouth but he interrupted me to clarify.
'We're gonna have a word with someone. Thought you might like to come along.'
Tori turned around. 'Dave, you need some sun-cream, or else you'll burn.'
'Er, right.'
I looked around a little cluelessly, as though sun-cream might magically appear, but then Tori produced a bottle from beside her. She squeezed some out on my left arm and began rubbing it in. There was nothing sexual about it, and yet for some reason it felt totally inappropriate. But I let her.
As I did, Choc leaned back in his chair, watching me, and I knew our conversation wasn't over yet. I also knew exactly what he was talking about. A word with Eddie. As much as I hated him right now - and would happily have beaten the living shit out of him if I'd been there at the time - I wasn't sure I wanted to go down that particular route. Well, I did. And then I didn't.
But I could feel him watching me, and the weight of his gaze intensified everything I was feeling inside.
Tori was diligent and slow, making sure all of the sun-cream was rubbed in before I leaned around so she could do the same to my other arm. I watched her concentrating, the bruise on her face visible once again. Her legs were tucked under her, her shoulders narrowed from hunching over my arm, and she looked smaller than ever.
I could have picked her up with one hand, and she seemed so slow and steady that I might have managed it before she even realised.
As Tori finished, she looked at me and frowned. And then something occurred to her and she grabbed my wrist--
'Come on. I'll show you around.'
--as though she could physically move me away from the guilt she sensed in me. And perhaps away from Choc as well.
First of all, she showed me her bedroom.
'My diary. My books. I hang my clothes up in here.'
Tori moved quickly from item to item while I carefully observed the exclusion zone. Her room smelled of the perfume I associated with her. It came in a tall, thin bottle and had a flower inside. Sometimes, even now, I'd smell it while I was walking along and I'd turn around, expecting or hoping to see her.
'This is where I can get washed.'
She worked her way around the room, concentrating hard. And I knew it was all for my benefit: an attempt to distract me from how she could tell I was feeling. She probably wouldn't have been able to articulate it that way, but even now, at angles with the world, she was thinking of other people: sending me a radio message of reassurance from behind the static.
She came back out into the corridor.
'And how is Emma?'
'Emma?' I didn't know what to say. 'Things aren't great right now.'
'I'm sorry to hear that.' She tilted her head. 'But if it doesn't work out with her, there's always me.'
I felt that solidly, like a punch, and immediately told myself not to take it seriously.
'Ooh,' she grabbed my wrist again, eyes wide. 'Come on. I know what else to show you.'
She took me through to the second lounge, the one I'd not been into yet. It was almost identical to the other: comfortable chairs, tables, newspapers. But there weren't any people in here. Tori led me across to the far side of the room. She sat down at an upright piano, her back to me, and after hooking a stray hair behind her ear her fingers moved nimbly above the keys, expectant and ready.
'What shall I play?'
And seeing her like that, perched in front of a musical instrument I'd seen her play before, in better times, took everything up another notch.
'I don't know,' I managed to say. 'Do you know any Nine Inch Nails?'
'No, silly. You know this one.'
She started playing The
'I wanted to. I felt like I should, you know?'
He exhaled smoke and nodded thoughtfully, staring off into space, considering something. I let the silence pan out. When he was done with the cigarette he put it under his shoe rather than in the bin.
'What you got planned after this?' he said.
'After this?'
'Yeah, yeah. You got some free time?'
I opened my mouth but he interrupted me to clarify.
'We're gonna have a word with someone. Thought you might like to come along.'
Tori turned around. 'Dave, you need some sun-cream, or else you'll burn.'
'Er, right.'
I looked around a little cluelessly, as though sun-cream might magically appear, but then Tori produced a bottle from beside her. She squeezed some out on my left arm and began rubbing it in. There was nothing sexual about it, and yet for some reason it felt totally inappropriate. But I let her.
As I did, Choc leaned back in his chair, watching me, and I knew our conversation wasn't over yet. I also knew exactly what he was talking about. A word with Eddie. As much as I hated him right now - and would happily have beaten the living shit out of him if I'd been there at the time - I wasn't sure I wanted to go down that particular route. Well, I did. And then I didn't.
But I could feel him watching me, and the weight of his gaze intensified everything I was feeling inside.
Tori was diligent and slow, making sure all of the sun-cream was rubbed in before I leaned around so she could do the same to my other arm. I watched her concentrating, the bruise on her face visible once again. Her legs were tucked under her, her shoulders narrowed from hunching over my arm, and she looked smaller than ever.
I could have picked her up with one hand, and she seemed so slow and steady that I might have managed it before she even realised.
As Tori finished, she looked at me and frowned. And then something occurred to her and she grabbed my wrist--
'Come on. I'll show you around.'
--as though she could physically move me away from the guilt she sensed in me. And perhaps away from Choc as well.
First of all, she showed me her bedroom.
'My diary. My books. I hang my clothes up in here.'
Tori moved quickly from item to item while I carefully observed the exclusion zone. Her room smelled of the perfume I associated with her. It came in a tall, thin bottle and had a flower inside. Sometimes, even now, I'd smell it while I was walking along and I'd turn around, expecting or hoping to see her.
'This is where I can get washed.'
She worked her way around the room, concentrating hard. And I knew it was all for my benefit: an attempt to distract me from how she could tell I was feeling. She probably wouldn't have been able to articulate it that way, but even now, at angles with the world, she was thinking of other people: sending me a radio message of reassurance from behind the static.
She came back out into the corridor.
'And how is Emma?'
'Emma?' I didn't know what to say. 'Things aren't great right now.'
'I'm sorry to hear that.' She tilted her head. 'But if it doesn't work out with her, there's always me.'
I felt that solidly, like a punch, and immediately told myself not to take it seriously.
'Ooh,' she grabbed my wrist again, eyes wide. 'Come on. I know what else to show you.'
She took me through to the second lounge, the one I'd not been into yet. It was almost identical to the other: comfortable chairs, tables, newspapers. But there weren't any people in here. Tori led me across to the far side of the room. She sat down at an upright piano, her back to me, and after hooking a stray hair behind her ear her fingers moved nimbly above the keys, expectant and ready.
'What shall I play?'
And seeing her like that, perched in front of a musical instrument I'd seen her play before, in better times, took everything up another notch.
'I don't know,' I managed to say. 'Do you know any Nine Inch Nails?'
'No, silly. You know this one.'
She started playing The
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