Read Coming Around: Parenting Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Kids for Free Online Page B

hate.
                       You can disagree about homosexuality, but you can’t support discrimination against gays and still hope to find common ground with your gay child. All forms of discrimination, legal and illegal, have a negative effect on health and well-being. If your gay child discovers, directly or indirectly, that you have colluded in his or her oppression, s/he will be deeply wounded and your relationship will be scarred.
                       If you are affiliated with people, organizations or movements that make it their mission to single out gays for attack, you will have to make some choices. You will have to rethink your loyalties. For instance, if your preacher is vehemently anti-gay, find another church. If you support a political candidate who has an anti-gay agenda, look for alternative candidates. I suggest you go a step further. Talk to the anti-gay preacher or candidate and tell the person that you have a gay child. Educate the person about discrimination. Let the person know that s/he will lose your support if that person doesn’t allow your son or daughter to live in peace.
                       If you’re a Republican, I don’t think you have to become a Democrat to maintain a close relationship with your gay child. You should, however, talk with your son or daughter about political issues.
                       For example, Matthew Shepard, a young gay man, was lured out of a bar in Wyoming by two men claiming they were gay, kidnapped, pistol whipped, tied to a fence and left to die. During hearings about a hate crimes bill named after Shepard, Virginia Foxx, a Republican congresswoman, commented that “The hate crimes bill that’s called the Matthew Shepard bill is named after a very unfortunate incident where a young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery. It wasn’t because he was gay…it’s really a hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing these bills.” 1 In this case, you might say to your gay son or daughter: “I read the other day that a state representative said the slaying of Matthew Shepard was a hoax used to pass hate crime legislation. She’s horribly wrong. I know we don’t see eye to eye on everything, but I hope you know that this sort of behavior by a representative of my party really upsets me. I’m going to write her and my congressmen and let them know how I feel about it.”
                       Much is accomplished by such a statement: This parent has taken an interest in his or her party’s activities related to the issue of homosexuality, s/he has acknowledged a party member’s error and s/he is making an effort to hold the party accountable to correct the error. That should win your child’s admiration.
                       I encourage parents who are Republican to look into the Log Cabin Republican organization ( www.logcabin.org ). This group hopes to make the Republican platform gay-friendly. Perhaps there is something in their message that will appeal to you.
            •   Get to know your child’s LGBTQ friends and partner.
                       Disagreeing about homosexuality is a poor excuse for excluding your child’s partner from an event or failing to get to know your child’s LGBTQ friends. Such actions are inhospitable and controlling. Mature relationships require a level ofemotional restraint. People need to be able to tolerate differences, even big ones, between family members.
                       Tolerance is making room for someone (or someone’s beliefs) when you don’t agree. Tolerance is motivated by humility and recognition that others’ needs and priorities should sometimes supersede your own. It can be motivated by a strong belief in personal freedoms or by general good-heartedness that allows for some level of self-sacrifice to ease another’s burden. A person