Read Choices for Free Online

in me piloting me as I headed towards Duke’s room.”
     
    “That must have been when I received the call from Jack. He got a call from Susie I believe,” Jenny interrupted. Paxton closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She looked back at her hands. She rubbed them together not wanting to continue.
     
    “So you told Duke about the passing. Tell me and your mother, how you were feeling as you broke the news,” Dr. Keeler filled the quiet room with her soft voice.
     
    Paxton couldn’t say anything. She didn’t want to hurt her mother and bring up those memories. She also was afraid her mother would lash out at her. Paxton also didn’t want to relive it anymore. She supposed it was part of moving on, the ease of talking about it without shutting down.
     
    “Paxton remember this is a safe place. I know this is a hard subject to talk about in front of your mother but we have been working separately. I wouldn’t have done this if I felt that she would attack you about it,” Dr. Keeler said.
     
    “Paxton, honey, I want to hear this. As much as it hurts to think about that day, Dr. Keeler is right. We need to talk about this.”
     
    Paxton looked back and forth between them. She looked at the wall trying to avoid their eye contact, she wouldn’t be able to talk about it otherwise. “I felt broken, lost,” her eyes cast down at her hands. She began picking at her nails. “I thought it was a horrible nightmare. Duke’s reaction tore me apart and I felt like the world’s worst surgeon and friend. As soon as I finished telling him, I fell apart again and became his friend who sat there and grieved with him. I started going over the surgery in my head trying to figure out where I went wrong, how I couldn’t save Ella and her b-…” Paxton trailed off. She about spilled the secret of the baby. “How I couldn’t save Ella.”
     
    Paxton looked over at Dr. Keeler and she could tell that Dr. Keeler knew that she almost let her secret spill out. Paxton then glanced at her mother who had a confused look on her face.
     
    “What did you just say?” Jenny asked. “Who else didn’t you save?”
     
    Paxton frantically looked over at Dr. Keeler and back at her mother. “I couldn’t save Ella, my best friend?”
     
    “I just thought you were about to say someone else as well. I’m sorry,” Jenny dropped it but Paxton could tell she was still questioning it.
     
    “Jenny, how do you feel after hearing Paxton’s thoughts, what was running through her head?”
     
    Paxton was thankful for Dr. Keeler changing the direction of Jenny’s thoughts. Paxton took a deep breath and looked over at her mother, waiting for her response.
     
    “It brings me back to that day. I couldn’t get past the loss of my best friend’s daughter. I felt like I failed her because I couldn’t protect her daughter and I didn’t keep her safe. I lashed out at my own flesh and blood not thinking about what she was going through. It breaks my heart to think that Paxton was feeling that broken and I made it worse. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if I were in her shoes.”
     
    Paxton felt her mother’s hand wrap around hers. Paxton looked up and saw understanding in her mother’s eyes but there was something else bothering her.  “I just don’t understand why you went back to your patients. Why it seemed like we were just another family and that you had other patients that you needed to tend to. You were cold and distant in a matter of seconds.”
     
    Paxton let tears fall that she didn’t even know where there. “She wasn’t just another patient, I wanted to be there with you all. I felt like you guys were silently blaming me because I couldn’t save her. I felt suffocated in the room. I needed to get out. I thought focusing on other things would make it not real, that it was a dream and I would wake up and be checking on my patients, Ella would be happy with Duke and you and Jack wouldn’t look at me with