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we’re going out, but you can’t tell anyone you caught Bethany in my room with no kit on.’
    ‘You reckon?’ James laughed. ‘How’d you get off with her anyway? I can’t even remember you talking to her before.’
    ‘We did a mission after Christmas. Just a three-week thing infiltrating a bunch of drug dealers. But it was January. We stayed in a flat together and the central heating was rubbish. Lots of cold nights and dark winter mornings. Hot cocoa, long cuddles. One thing led to another.’
    ‘So what I saw wasn’t just the result of heavy petting? You’re actually shagging Bethany, right?’
    ‘Yeah,’ Bruce said defensively. ‘But I wasn’t even her first and you can’t deny she’s got a cracking little body.’
    ‘Cracking little fourteen-year-old body,’ James emphasised. ‘You better be careful. If the staff find out you’re having under-age sex, you’ll both be kicked out.’
    ‘That’s why we’re being so careful.’
    ‘No, div head,’ James grinned. ‘Careful is when you remember to turn the key in the lock.’
    ‘I was starting to feel like the last virgin on campus, anyway,’ Bruce said. ‘Everyone seemed to be at it except me. And she can’t get pregnant; they’ve put her on the pill to regulate her heavy periods.’
    James jammed his fingers in his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Let’s talk about something else.’
    ‘Bethany says Lauren won’t admit to anything, but one time she walked in on her and Rat and they’d both just showered and they both turned bright red when she asked what they’d been up to.’
    ‘Shut up,’ James begged. ‘From now on, the only sex life I’m interested in is my own.’
    ‘You were the one who told me to change the subject,’ Bruce grinned.
    ‘I meant away from girls entirely,’ James said. ‘And Bethany’s just saying that about Lauren to justify herself. You can believe me, Rat’s not getting any action.’
    ‘We’re getting new carpet out in the hallway,’ Bruce said. ‘Carpet is always a good unsexy topic of conversation.’
    ‘I remember the good old days when we were all innocent and someone getting a snog would be the scandal of the week,’ James said, half seriously. ‘When did we all grow up? Another five years and we’ll be getting married and buying lawn mowers out of the Argos catalogue.’
    ‘Hark at you, going on about the good old days,’ Bruce said, smiling. ‘But let’s face it, we were smaller, dumber and useless with girls. I’m glad I’m growing up. Childhood sucks.’
    James rubbed his palms down his face and yawned. ‘Yeah, I’m turning into a nostalgic old fart. But look at the big hairy lout I’ve turned into. Do you remember the feeling when you first passed basic training? You felt like you were the bee’s knees. Then you had your first mission. You didn’t really have a clue what you were supposed to be doing, you were half scared to death, but everything was new and insanely exciting.’
    Bruce nodded in agreement. ‘I know what you mean. Like, when I see Kevin and Jake and those little kids running up and down the corridors. It seems like it’s a million years since we were like that.’
    ‘Oh well,’ James said, ‘at least we’ve got the wedding tomorrow.’
    Bruce looked mystified. ‘Well whoop-de-do. An hour sitting in the chapel listening to some vicar.’
    ‘Yeah, well that bit’s gonna be shit, obviously. But loads of old faces are coming in. Kyle’s gonna be here.’
    ‘Dana said she might come,’ Bruce grinned.
    ‘Oh Christ, I hope not,’ James grimaced. ‘But campus is big enough to steer clear of her. I’m gonna eat like a pig, drink as much booze as I can get my hands on and party until I fall flat on my face.’
    ‘You’re a classy guy,’ Bruce smiled.

6. CEREMONY
    This was the first wedding in James’ five years living on CHERUB campus. The only people allowed into campus were current or former staff and agents. Wives, girlfriends, university