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and I checked us in. It was with huge sighs of relief when we made it to our suite. We had arrived!

    After settling in we headed out for dinner. We had a lovely time and stayed away from talking about the operation that was looming around the corner. We eventually returned to our hotel and started organizing things since we were going to be staying there for the next ten days. It was set up with a kitchenette so I could prepare food for Sheelagh, as well as a separate bedroom so she could rest quietly if I wanted to watch television.  

    I remember lying in bed that night feeling sad because the face I had loved for thirteen years was going to be irretrievably altered forever. I kept my feelings to myself because I knew Sheelagh was excited about the new changes, but also a bit frightened about the surgery, and I didn ’ t want to add to her uneasiness.  

    Surgery

    At 5:30 A.M., on January 28, 2012, Doctor K arrived in his big white truck to pick Sheelagh up. He owned his own clinic and operating room so he offered to get her on his way in to work. I felt like my world was taken away when Sheelagh walked out the door. There were no words to describe how utterly sad and alone I felt. I went back up to our room and had myself a good cry. I had made my choice and I was staying married to Sheelagh, but the reality of it sometimes could sneak up and overpower me. My mind was still trying to scramble to keep up with my heart.

    Since the surgery was going to be seven hours in length, I was told there was no reason for me to be at the clinic. After I had some breakfast I took the shuttle over to the mall and spent most of the day there looking around. Throughout that time I received three updates on Sheelagh ’ s condition from the doctor ’ s office. Everything was going well and she was stable. After 4:00 P.M. I received a call saying Sheelagh was in recovery, my first thought was, “ Thank god she made it.”  

    The PA (personal assistant) who would be staying with us for the first twenty four hours after surgery, said she would be driving Sheelagh back shortly. In my world that meant around 6:00 P.M., but it wasn ’ t until nearly 8:00 P.M. that they pulled up to the front of the hotel. The personal assistant (PA) got a wheelchair out of the back of the car and helped Sheelagh into it. I was horrified by how bad Sheelagh looked; her whole head was encased in bandages that looked like a helmet. Her eyes were just slits due to all the bruising and she couldn ’ t speak due to the bandages, but when she saw me she took my hand and wrote "I love you" on my palm with her finger. It was definitely a beautiful moment in time that made my heart melt.  

    The PA and I took Sheelagh up to the suite and the PA got her into bed. Sheelagh had a terrible headache but had to wait another hour before she could be given some painkillers and diazepam to help her feel relaxed. Over the next hour Sheelagh became very agitated and very unhappy because she said she felt like she was choking and couldn ’ t swallow properly. It was a very bad night - the PA loosened the helmet a little but that didn ’ t really help - finally she said she could go back to the clinic and get a breathing tube if we wanted her to. Poor Sheelagh had stuffing up her nose and could barely open her mouth and really thought she was going to die. We told the PA we wanted the tube so she left to go get it.  

    Sheelagh asked me for her purse which I found for her, and she took out her health insurance card and threw it at me. She said I ’ d need to call that number after she died, because she truly felt her throat was closing up due to the bandaging, and she couldn ’ t breathe because her nose was blocked because of the rhinoplasty that had been done. The only way she could breathe was through her mouth, and that wasn ’ t working so well. She started pulling at the bottom of the green head casing and I had to hold her hands down to get her to stop.