Read Burglars Can't Be Choosers for Free Online Page B

let me think now, annually that would come to ten million dollars a year. That’s with two weeks off in the summer.”
    “Whatever.”
    “Or a week in the summer and a week in the winter. That’s probably the best way to do it. Or I could take my vacation in the spring and fall to avail myself of low off-season rates. Though I suppose the savings wouldn’t be significant if I was earning ten million dollars a year. Hell, I’d probably start blowing the bucks left and right. Flying first class. Taking cabs all the time. Buying the Mondavi zinfandel by the case instead of a niggling bottle at a time, and of course you save ten percent by the case but it’s not a true savings because you always find yourself drinking more than you would otherwise. You’ve probably noticed that yourself. Of course the pressure might get to me, anyway, but then I’d have those two weeks of vacation to let it all out, and—”
    “Funny,” he said.
    “Just nerves.”
    “If you say so. You done talking for a minute? I want you to do this thing for me. There’s something I need and it’s a cinch for you to get it for me. And my price is fair, don’t you think?”
    “That depends on what you want me to steal. If it’s a diamond necklace worth a quarter of a million dollars, then I’d have to say five thousand is coolie’s wages.”
    His face moved into what I suppose was meant as a smile. It failed to light up the room. “No diamond necklace,” he said.
    “Fine.”
    “What you’ll get for me is worth five grand to me. It’s not worth nothing to nobody else.”
    “What is it?”
    “A box,” he said, and described it, but I’ve told you that part already. “I’ll give you the location, the apartment, everything, and for you it’s like picking up candy in the street.”
    “I never pick up candy in the street.”
    “Huh?”
    “Germs.”
    He waved the thought away with one of his little hands. “You know what I mean,” he said. “No more jokes, huh?”
    “Why don’t you get it yourself?” He looked at me. “You know the apartment, the layout, everything.You even know what you’re looking for, which is more than I know and more than I want to know. Why don’t you keep the five thousand in your pocket?”
    “And pull the job myself?”
    “Why not?”
    He shook his head. “Certain things I don’t do,” he said. “I don’t take out my own appendix, I don’t cut my own hair, I don’t fix my own plumbing. Important things, things that need an expert’s touch, what I do is I go and find an expert.”
    “And I’m your expert?”
    “Right. You go through locks like grease through a goose. Or so I’m told.”
    “Who told you?”
    An elaborate shrug. “You just never remember where you hear a thing these days,” he said.
    “I always remember.”
    “Funny,” he said. “I never do. I got a memory with holes in it you could fall through.” He touched my arm. “Place is filling up. What do you say we take our business outside. We’ll walk up and down the street, we’ll work everything out.”
    So we walked up and down the street, and though we didn’t pick up any candy we did work everything out. We settled our terms and established that I would keep my schedule flexible for the next week or so. It wouldn’t go more than that, he assured me.
    He said, “I’ll be in touch, Rhodenbarr. Next time I see you I’ll give you the address and the time and everything you gotta know. Plus I’ll have your thousand in front.”
    “I sort of thought you might let me have that now.”
    “Haven’t got it on me. You never want to carry heavy cash on the street at night. All these muggers, these junkies.”
    “The streets aren’t safe.”
    “It’s a jungle.”
    “You could let me have the address now,” I suggested. “And the name of the man who won’t be home when I crack his crib. Give me that much time to check things out.”
    “You’ll have all the time you need.”
    “I just