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already crowded house was bad, it just wasn’t home.
     
    ***
     
    “Who are all these people?” Holly asked, recognizing only about half of the guests in attendance.
    “Beats me.” Chrystal shrugged.
    They’d just arrived at the funeral home, and it felt so surreal, but then again everything did. She was still in denial, because it was so much easier to think her mom would be back from a trip somewhere any moment now. The dream shattered just being there. Funeral homes were so creepy, and as she stood there in front of the small box that contained her mother’s remains still in a state of shock, her heart shattered a little more as she wondered. Was her mother really in there? The box was so tiny, and what did the ashes look like, anyway? Not that she had enough guts to find out. It was so hard to take everything in. The family was permitted a few minutes alone with the ashes before entering the chapel, and she felt a slight panic then as soon as she looked at her mother’s beautiful picture beside the cremation box. She ignored everybody else and went closer.
    “Please come back,” she whispered, hugging the frame to her chest. “Don’t leave us.”
    “Don’t you wish it were that easy?” Chrystal sniffed, and the waterworks began for both. “I miss her so much.”
    “Me too.”
    “Okay, girls, it’s time.” Karen approached and held out her hand for the picture. “We’re supposed to be in the chapel now.” Holly handed over the picture to her aunt, who then handed it to the funeral director.
    And just like that, her mother’s remains were on their way out of sight.
    The place was packed. So much so that all the seats were taken and there was a line forming to the outside. Unbelievable! Holly thought.
    The whole service was an emotional blur. Blessings were given and speeches made, memories were brought up, and her uncle even sang a beautiful song he’d written in Emma’s memory. It was bittersweet agony.
    Food was served afterward, and a sea of faces came into focus with their deepest sympathies and heartfelt condolences.
    There were so many of them. “I feel like I’m living in a dream, Chrys. This can’t be happening to us. I need it to be somebody else. How do I make it stop?”
    “If you figure it out, let me in on the answer because I don’t have a clue. This is crazy.”
    “I know. Does it make me a horrible person if I said I don’t want to be here?” She stood from the table and paced. “I think I need to leave.”
    “Not without me you’re not.” Her big sister got up and followed her outside for some air. “God, it’s hot.” She tugged on the collar of her shirt. “Are you hot too?”
    “Not hot, but I’m freaking out over here.” Holly fanned her face and then bent over to catch her breath. It was as if the walls were closing in and there was no way out. Her heart pounded and she wanted to puke.
    “Join the club.” Chrystal slid down the wall to sit on the grass and breathed the fresh air in deep. “We are so screwed, and the hardest part of the day is still yet to come.”
    “Ugh, tell me about it.” Holly laughed without humor. “Hopefully we’ll be able to pull ourselves together long enough to cope.”
    The door slammed open and out walked Karen. “I see I’m not the only one who needed to get away for a minute. There was a good turnout, but we’ll be leaving soon so we can lay your mom to rest.” The family had decided the burial would be a private event.
    “O-okay,” Holly cleared her throat and then looked away. “What about all of those people?”
    “I’m sure they’ll manage.” She lit a smoke and inhaled long and deep, took a few more drags, and threw the butt away. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”
     
    ***
     
    As much as she hated to be there, the cemetery was beautiful at least. Its lush green landscape was covered in a rainbow of colors from the massive variety of flowers everywhere. They didn’t have far to go. Emma was