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On that day I remember talking about band names on our way to school. It was freezing. Both of us made breath circles from the cool air. Mine were bigger and better. His were wee baby ones. I think he let anxiety get in the way of a good breath circle. I started talking about the most crappy things imaginable. Pure red neck stuff. But that was me, I suppose.
    â€˜What would you call your band if you were in one?’ I asked him.
    â€˜I don’t know.’ At that stage I was thinking, where’s your spontaneity man?
    â€˜Don’t talk rubbish. You do. Everyone has played that game, come on, what is it?’ I could see his thought processes at work. I liked it when I could see him think. You know, deeply. But this time he was thinking about something else. We know what that was now. But I could tell at the time. I should be a blinking psychologist or psychiatrist or something like that. I didn’t know the difference actually. I bet Clem would have.
    â€˜It’s Approaches to Learning, ’ he said. I puffed my cheeks out and made this raspberry noise.
    â€˜That’s pure mince.’
    â€˜You think?’
    â€˜A hundred percent.’
    â€˜ Okay, smart arse, what’s yours?’ he said.
    â€˜Don’t know, never really thought about it.’ I was taking the piss, wasn’t I? Cora’s band name was Aloud Pussycat. She was trying to mix Girls Aloud and Pussycat Dolls, both of whom are rank rotten and their severe names go hand in hand with their severe songs. Saying that, both names were much better than Aloud Pussycat. Conor’s was The Last of the Happymen. Enough said. I liked the band name game it was a good way to pass the time. An even better way to break long silences. I did have some of them with Clem as well.
    â€˜Don’t talk crap, come on I told you mine.’
    â€˜Okay, don’t laugh?’
    â€˜Cross my heart.’
    â€˜Okay,’ I said, ‘it’s Bedroom Busker .’ Inspired or what? At one stage I was going to buy a bass guitar, start a band and call it Bedroom Busker. Obviously. I even went as far as going into the shop and trying one out, but I didn’t have a Scooby what to do with it and the strings, I mean have you seen the size of those? They were like a baby’s arm, you’d need fingers like courgettes to play them. But the bass was what I wanted. All female bass players are cool as. Like Kim Deal from The Pixes and David Bowie’s bass player with the big afro. She’s dead cool. And Mo Ticker from The Velvet Underground , even though she’s a drummer, but it’s the same thing really. I could just see myself plucking away with Bedroom Busker .  Or should it be The Bedroom Busker ? Decisions. Decisions.
    â€˜Utter utter crap,’ Clem said.
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜I’d never buy anything from a band with a name like that.’
    â€˜You haven’t a clue.’
    Then there was this pure dead silence; Clem’s head was obviously in the horrors. He was rubbing his hands as if washing them, transferring sweat from one to the other. There was no way I was grabbing that, even if he did offer me it. All clammy and minging hand. No chance. I think he was psyching himself up for the big faceoff. The funny thing was I was totally calm on that trip to school. That’s ignorance for you.
    He picked Ellen Page for me. I was like, ‘who the hell’s Ellen Page?’ I hadn’t seen Juno at that stage. I was secretly hoping he was going to say Winona Ryder or Zooey Deschanel, but I was actually really glad that it wasn’t someone pure pot ugly.

Mr Goldsmith’s Opinion
    It’s difficult to form an accurate opinion when one’s only reference point is a fifteen-minute parents’ evening twice a year. Nevertheless, one can draw particular conclusions and assumptions through their progeny. Mr and Mrs Curran were an impressive couple, Clem was their only child and they