Read Boswell's Bus Pass for Free Online

Hume’s hatred of all things English would have made a conflagration inevitable. Now we know.
    (7) The only known reference to Joseph’s son occurs in Boswell’s journal entry for 19 th October. Evidently the young Coll who had been their guide on Iona gave Boswell ‘six-and-sixpence’ with the suggestion that he purchase a cap for Joseph’s son.’
    (8) This somewhat strange reference is perhaps explained by the fact that in the only known image of Joseph, in Rowlandson’s cartoon of the party leaving James Court, he is shown sporting a splendid circus master’s moustache.

STAGE TWO
SETTING OUT
    A Hazardous Voyage to an Island – A Plague of Rats – An astonishing encounter with a Lost Tribe – A Vulgar Tale of a Horse – A Quest for Mutton – A Monologue from a Bitter Woman – Penance in the Rain – Words from a Spoilt Student
Edinburgh – Inchkeith Island
    After spending four excruciating days in Edinburgh, hobnobbing with an array of toadying local dignitaries, hangers-on, and minor literary figures including a tame blind poet both men were restless to start on the journey. David and I were equally eager.
    The planning had gone well. A friend of a friend had a boat and was keen to support a project as outrageous as this. He did warn us that Inchkeith Island was rat infested and unhelpfully left us with a nightmare image of a seething brown landscape circled by waves heavy with dead rats. The dangers seemed sufficiently alarming for us to have second thoughts. We could take our pick: Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome (HPS), a deadly disease transmitted by infected rodents through urine, droppings or saliva; Murine Typhus carried by rat fleas; Rat-bite Fever contracted by the ingestion of food or water contaminated by rat faeces; Eosinophilic Meningitis, a particular favourite, transmitted by the rat lung worm.
    To compound the nature of the challenge he explained that unless we sought permission to land we could be summarily hanged from the abandoned fortifications for wanton trespass and, according to Scots Law, for the presumption of rat theft.
    It was with mixed feelings then that David and I, shivering on the pontoon at Granton harbour, absorbed the news that the trip had been abandoned because of force eight gales. Furthermore the boat wasabout to be taken out of the water for the winter. Match abandoned.
    Consumed with anti-climax we stared gloomily out of the bus window at the bleak urban skyline. Not since my parents had cancelled a holiday because of my bad behaviour had I felt such acute disappointment.
    Suddenly the perspective shifted; as frequently happens in old movies the screen that was the rain-dribbled window started to shimmer and we heard the strange watery music that inevitably announced a dream sequence …
    … David had dressed for the part, a cross between Long John Silver and Captain Birds Eye. His voluminous pockets contained a full-sized sextant, a telescope, a cat o’ nine tails and a cutlass. On being lowered onto the frail vessel he hurled the ship’s cat overboard and sneered as it mewled its way into the spume. He fixed the owner with his good eye and bade him cast off. He proceeded to strap me to the bowsprit obliging me to sing the theme tune from
Titanic
and ordered me to report any wailing that could be attributed to wanton sirens. With water and several small crustaceans already clinging to his coat he roared loudly and vomited copiously into the face of the gale.
    After a voyage made difficult by the unwanted attentions of Pirates from the Caribbean Inchkeith hove into sight. As our vessel dashed itself against the rock face David, displaying an extraordinary dexterity for a man of his age, clawed his way up the sheer cliff, ignoring the regurgitating puffins protecting their young. Finally he found himself staring at the boots of Tom Farmer the ostensible owner of the island. ‘Farmer you’re a dead man!’ he roared, sending him hurtling headfirst into the sea