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sent in one lump sum from the last video I ever planned to do. I was finished. I had other things I needed to do and I couldn't do them with the videos hanging around my neck.
    CPA by day, cock sucking porn star by night just didn't seem to fit together in the grand scheme of things. Seth was stil wrestling with school and it was winning. His family couldn't help him with tuition and he didn't qualify for aid as a graduate student. He needed the money. I planned to help him. We had a plan. I'd work and he would go to school. I'd cut my trips to Florida down to one every other month. I was committed to making it work.
    He didn't see it that way. And in the end, it was probably the king of nasty break-ups. I walked out.
    With just the clothes on my back. I had money and a home I could go to while I put myself back together, so I left.
    It was nearly midnight when I puled into the space in front of my apartment. I'd driven for hours and couldn't stop the shaking in my soul. My ex, who betrayed me in the most horrible way possible, was the new man in my barely legal son's life. How in the hel was I supposed to deal with that?
    "Why didn't you tel me?"
    I stopped walking when I reached the stairs and looked up into the halo of security lights. He sat about midway up. His face in shadow. His hulking form taking up most of the width of the stairs. I could see his large hands, fingers laced together, dangling over his size thirteen shoes. I hated remembering his shoe size. I hated that even now, four years after it happened, I stil quaked at the sight of him. I was gutless and a coward.
    I knew that and I was al right with that.
    "How did you find me?" I jangled my keys in my hand. There was a chil in the air that raced over my bare arms and through my thin shirt, making me shiver.
    At least that's what I told myself to explain the shivering.
    "Kely told me. Jesus, Liam, was there anything about you that wasn't a lie?" He sneered down at me.
    At least it looked like a sneer, the light behind him made it hard to tel what his facial expression realy was, but it looked like a sneer.
    "You cal him Kely?" I didn't know what to say. My brain caught on that and held.
    "It's what he said his name was. Is he a liar too?
    Christ, how can he be your kid? He doesn't even look like you. Why didn't you ever tel me? I guess that's what you did those weekends. Makes sense now. The secret weekends." He laughed, the sound more like a snort than a laugh. "Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You could have at least given me that. I came home that night and found you gone and I thought the worst. Until dickhead at the studio told me that he forwarded the check from that last job to you. He wouldn't tel me where."
    "You should leave. And leave Kel alone. He's about a second away from picking out rings with you.
    He doesn't need your shit in his life."
    "Yeah, I should leave. But I'm a great big glutton for punishment. I love punishment. Just seeing you in that restaurant nearly tore a fucking hole in me.
    Seeing you holding Kely's hand. Jesus Christ. He told me you're his daddy. I would have believed lover. He's your damned type. Sick bastard. Jonesing after guys who look like your kid."

    I was up the stairs before I knew how to stop myself. He looked at me in disbelief when I wrapped my hand around his neck and hauled him to his feet. He was a big guy. I guess he'd forgotten that I was bigger.
    I'd forgotten I could lift him and toss him anywhere I needed him to be. But that had been during sex. Never outside the studio. Never in our bedroom. And always in play never in anger.
    "You need to leave. And you need to do it now while I stil remember that I loved you once." I pushed him against the wal away from the railing and held him.
    He didn't raise a hand to stop me. His eyes were defiant. His lips drawn tight. His breath came in deep rasping rushes.
    "How do you live with your lies? Loved me?
    You never fucking loved me. You used me al those years