Read Because They Wanted To: Stories for Free Online

and watched her. His eyes made her feel guilty, even though it wasn’t her fault.
    “Penny’s just dropped a load,” said Robin, “so I can show you how to change her.”
    They sat on the bed, and Robin laid the infant on her back, supporting her head with one slim, splayed hand. She unfolded the diaperas if it were a little paper puzzle. The smell of perfect shit rose into the air. The baby’s private body was blank as the flesh of a plant. She kicked her legs, working the fierce new engine of her body. Robin’s hands were deft and quick, and Elise thought their movements pleased the baby. Elise expected that Robin would want her to redo the diaper, to show that she had learned, but instead Robin just smiled and said, “See?” The baby gurgled at her mother’s big smile. Robin showed her the bottles of formula she had prepared and told her how to heat them. Then she opened a badly dented tin cupboard and showed her a jar of peanut butter, some bread, and a yellowing orange that they could eat for lunch.
    “I know you’ll do great,” said Robin. She turned to the boys; her smiling profile tingled wildly. “Be good for Lisa,” she said.
    When she left, the air felt roiled, like water in the wake of a furious propeller. Elise sat on the bed. The boys sat at the table with their eyes down. Eric, the little one, fiddled with his spoon as if he were rubbing a secret comfort spot. Elise looked at the baby; it dispassionately stared back. She looked at the boys. She had lied about her baby-sitting credentials; she had had very little experience with children. She went and sat at the table with them.
    “Hi,” she said.
    She felt something move between the brothers, invisible and cellular. Andy looked up and back down. Eric watched him.
    “Do you like animals?” she asked.
    “Um hm,” said Andy. His brown eyes showed intelligence and strength, veiled by a thin, protective opacity.
    “We have a cat,” she said. “His name is Blue.”
    “We have a dog at home,” said Andy.
    Eric looked up suddenly and said, “His name is Roscoe.”
    “He’s a genius,” said Andy. “For a dog.”
    They both looked at her. Eric had a delicate elfin chin. His intelligence seemed more fragile than his brother’s.
    “Blue was an orphan when we found him,” she said. “He was living with his brothers and sisters under a deserted house.”
    “What’s an orphan?” asked Andy.
    “Children with no parents. The mother cat had left them, and my brother Rick found them when his friend’s dog ran up to the houseand started barking because he smelled cats. Blue was just four weeks old, but he came out and stood up to the dog. He arched his back and spat, and the dog was so surprised he just stopped. Rick saved the litter and we adopted Blue.”
    She expected them to cheer Blue, or to ask about him, but instead they abruptly slid off their chairs and ran to play with their toys. She was puzzled and even a little hurt; she thought they would like the story. She walked over to where they played and crouched beside them. They had a strange assortment of toys, some of which weren’t even toys. They had rubber dinosaurs, colored rocks, a metal truck, a turtle with hair, a cymbal with a pink elastic wrist strap, a stuffed dog, a battery-operated gorilla, a knotted leather cord with two marble balls on either end, a wind-up chickie, and a ceramic mermaid. Alex had the metal wind-up chickie and Eric had the mermaid. They talked urgently in cartoon voices and marched their toys around so that they acted out a story. They talked loudly, as if they were putting on a show for her and, at the same time, using their loudness to shut her out. On impulse, she picked up the gorilla and made it walk up to Eric’s mermaid. “Hey, good-lookin’,” she said. Eric tensed. “Hey,” she said. She wiggled the gorilla. Eric ignored her; she blushed. She felt as if she were trying to squeeze into a spot too small for her. She decided to do the